2021, baby! Happy New Year! After a remarkably shitty year we've entered into a new one full of possibility, and I'm starting it off by reviewing absolute dogshit. January is dedicated to movies considered to be "the worst ever." I've already touched on a few on the IMDB Bottom 100 like The Room, Cats, Batman & Robin, and even Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas earlier this week. Then there are the movies from Rotten Tomato's "The Worst Horror Movies of All Time" list, including Brahms: The Boy II, Fantasy Island, and the Jacob's Ladder remake. And I've also talked about a few that my friends have absolutely hated, such as Plankton, The Star Wars Holiday Special, and Cats... again (multiple people named that one). But is there a movie that falls on all three lists? Something IMDB thinks is the worst, Rotten Tomatoes thinks is the worst, and Movie Night watched on one of our "Worst of 20XX" nights and loathed?
Surprise, bitches! I don't know why I said that, you are lovely readers and I treasure each and every one of you. Anyway, this is a super extra bonus post! Did you really think that I would end October on a meh film like Children of the Corn: Runaway? Hell no! I saved my favorite horror movie of all time for a special Saturday/Halloween post! At least that's the excuse as to why I waited 10 months to talk about The Descent.
I don't know why I picked up every single Children of the Corn movie. It started years ago when I did Chwineka Watches 31 Netflix Horror Movies for October and all the Corn movies up to that point (minus Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice for some reason) were available for streaming. Then years later I decided to inflict it all on Movie Night, which... well it didn't require me to pick up physical copies, but it helped facilitate watching. And now here I am, watching the whole series for a third time. Which is a long winded way of saying that having seen all the movies, Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest is the best sequel (although that doesn't mean it's good).
A monster's design can make or break a movie. There are countless times where I've been watching a movie and once the dreaded beast is shown to the audience it's... bad. Sometimes REALLY bad. So I want to start off by saying that the majority of the monsters in Digging Up the Marrow look great! It's just a shame that they couldn't be in something better.
Ha ha HA!! I bet you saw the title and thought to yourself, "Oh thank god, he's finally done with all that Mothman shit." WELL THINK AGAIN, DEAR READER!! Turns out Tubi had one last movie with Mothman, and this time there's an actual Mothman in it! Sure, it was for two seconds, and it was actually a dream, and it looked like garbage, but still!
So a friend of mine enjoys a theory about The Blair Witch Project that says there was nothing supernatural in the movie at all; Josh and Mike were faking everything to fuck with Heather. While I can see someone having that galaxy brain take, I'm personally not a fan. Not that I'm opposed to fakeouts like that! It's just that when a movie intentionally goes for a twist like that it has to be done with care, otherwise you get something shitty like The Turning. Why bring this up when I'm going to be talking about yet another Mothman movie? Well...
What's worse than a Mothman movie with a bad Mothman? A Mothman movie that doesn't have any Mothman! Yeah, we're still on America's second favorite cryptid (I'll get to you another day, Bigfoot), and today's movie is just... bad. Astonishingly bad. So bad that I'm skipping a normal recap and just ripping right into the fucker.
So what do we know about Mothman? Seen around Point Pleasant, West Virginia from 1966-67, it would swoop down and stare at people with its glowing red eyes. Generally described as a tall gray shape with no discernible head and giant wings, its sightings seemingly stopped after the December 15, 1967 Silver Bridge disaster that killed 46 people. And depending on where you go on the internet, it's the loving monster boyfriend to many. Mothman is an iconic cryptid, so it's such a shame that so many movies about it fucking suck.
Did you know that there was a third Mummy film starring Mr. Brendan Fraser? I'm pretty sure I didn't before starting Mummy Mondays. Released 7 years after The Mummy Returns and not directed by Stephen Sommers--the director of the first two films--this really does feel like an unnecessary addition just so it can be called a trilogy. Which is a bit of a shame because despite this film getting negative reviews, I didn't think it was that bad.
According to WordPress internal tracking, this is my 100th post! Huzzah! Sure, a number of those are “basic information” posts, but still! I’ve been at this for almost half a year now, so I think we can say this has been a successful experiment. And with that, we’re done! Thanks for coming, see you on my next flight of fancy!