The Green Knight (2021)

There's a list of movies that I was excited to see before COVID hit and everything fell to shit, and The Green Knight was one such film. I can't say that I'm a huge Arthurian legend nerd--I know the stuff covered on the animated Gargoyles series and that Sir Lancelot, the best knight ever who also fucks the king's wife, was created by the French--but it's been a passing interest. But add in a spooky atmosphere and I got hooked just by the trailer. And after what feels like years of waiting, it's finally here, ready for me to watch on a Tuesday afternoon in a nearly empty theater. Progress towards life getting back on track!

Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure (1984)

It wasn't my intention to avoid the main Star Wars movies; it's just that covering all nine is an event all to itself. And then the question becomes in what order do I watch them? Chronologically (1-9)? By release (4-6, 1-3, 7-9)? Flashback mode (4&5, 1-3, 6-9)? And what about Rogue One and Solo? But that's a problem for future Chwineka, and fuck that guy. Today we're talking about Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure, a made-for-TV kids film featuring everyone's favorite Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi characters, the ewoks. What, you didn't love the ewoks? Well too bad.

Almighty Thor (2011)

I've talked about this before, but The Asylum is a film company known for ridiculous movies like Sharknado and a ridiculous amount of knock-offs. Mockbusters, if you will. Back in 2005, Blockbuster--remember when that was relevant?--accidentally ordered 100,000 copies of HG Wells' War of the Worlds instead of the Stephen Spielberg film that came out the same year, War of the Worlds. From there the company just went wild, creating knockoffs like Atlantic Rim, Sunday School Musical, and in this particular case, Almight Thor to go up against Marvel's Thor. The God of Thunder is technically in the public domain, so why not!

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Let's start this entry of MCU March with a question: do you remember who the villain of this movie is? Ten points if you remembered Malekith. But do you remember what his plan was, or why it had to happen at the specific time that it did? Thor: The Dark World is generally considered to be the weakest of all the movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and a lot of its details are forgotten. But with hindsight, this movie has some very important moments that set up everything that happens afterwards. What do I mean? Well, read on and find out.

Thor (2011)

I gotta say, I absolutely love that MCU March lined up in such a perfect way that not only do the number of weekdays match the number of movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but also that the Thor post is going up on Thursday. Thor's Day? Get it?! Ah, we have fun here at Chwineka Watches... Anyway, let's talk about my favorite film of Marvel's Phase One.

Jesus (1999)

Okay, so why I picked this particular movie might need a bit of explaining… First off, as I mentioned in Dead & Breakfast review, I love Mr. Jeremy Sisto. A while ago I was browsing through his IMDB page and saw that he played Jesus–as in the son of God–in a TV miniseries. I had to see it! That was a few years ago, and I finally managed to stumble upon it recently. And I knew I’d have to review it.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power – Season 5, Episodes 1-13

It’s been a wild ride, but here we are at last, at the final season of She-Ra. What started as a heroic fantasy tale has now turned into a sci-fi epic, which doesn’t at all resemble the story idea I’ve had in my head since middle school and I’m totally not at all annoyed that someone with more talent got to write it before I did, nope! Anyway, the gang gets gayer and fights God!

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power – Season 4, Episodes 1-13

Gonna start this one with a bit of a tangent. The original rough draft of this post was 2563 words. See, previously I was devoting at least a paragraph to each episode, going over everything in detail. But that’s longer than your average high school essay (hell, upwards of double the length) and that’s just unfeasible. It absolutely makes sense to cut everything down, summarizing the season in a paragraph or two, and then going over things I liked or didn’t like. But on the other hand, I’m throwing away thousands of words I wrote, which is one hell of an edit. It’s all for the greater good, I know, but don’t be surprised if at some point in the future I post an actual essay about… something.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power – Season 2, Episodes 1-7

Welcome back to me talking way too much about She-Ra and the Princesses of Power! Today I’m focusing on season 2, which will be a shorter post than yesterday’s. Season 2 is only seven episodes, while season 3 is six; together that adds up to 13, the same number of episodes as seasons 1, 4, and 5. Maybe there were production issues that delayed the second half of the season? The world may never know, because I couldn’t find any reason for it. Anyway, off we go!