Left Behind (2014)

I am not a very religious man, but when I was younger I read several book in the Left Behind series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B Jenkins. If you haven't heard of them, they were the story of those suffering through the 7 years of the Great Tribulation. I think I got up to Assassins, the sixth book where the Antichrist gets shot in the head (he gets better), before the HEAVY religious overtones were just too much for me. But they made movie adaptations of the series, so let's dive into another shitty movie starring Mr. Kirk Cameron! Wait... I'm not talking about 2000's Left Behind? Instead I'm talking about the 2014 one starring Nic Cage, where even Christian reviewers thought it was one of the worst movies ever made? I never thought I would ever say this, but I'd rather watch a Kirk Cameron movie. I don't know how to feel about that...

WandaVision, Season 1: Episodes 1 & 2

Happy Saturday! The first two episodes of WandaVision dropped yesterday, so here we are! If you don't know what that is, buckle up! It's a new entry for the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) from Disney+. Sure, there were the Defenders on Netflix and Agents of SHIELD and Agent Carter on actual television, but those shows had minimal (if any) interaction with the films because they were basically run by a separate department. It was a whole thing. But the Disney+ shows not only star characters from the movies, but they--supposedly--will have lasting effects that lead into future movies and/or shows. But that's getting ahead of ourselves.

Collateral Beauty (2016)

Folks, this is an extra special post. I've been keeping a detailed list of everything on the blog, and excluding basic information and non-review posts, this is my 200th review! This is huge milestone! And on top of that, today, January 6th, is the one year anniversary of my first review, Under the Silver Lake! When I looked at the calendar I couldn't believe that both events lined up so perfectly, yet here we are. Thank you all so much for sticking around and giving me a little serotonin boost whenever I see your views, likes, and comments. I couldn't have kept this up without you.

Slender Man (2018)

2021, baby! Happy New Year! After a remarkably shitty year we've entered into a new one full of possibility, and I'm starting it off by reviewing absolute dogshit. January is dedicated to movies considered to be "the worst ever." I've already touched on a few on the IMDB Bottom 100 like The Room, Cats, Batman & Robin, and even Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas earlier this week. Then there are the movies from Rotten Tomato's "The Worst Horror Movies of All Time" list, including Brahms: The Boy II, Fantasy Island, and the Jacob's Ladder remake. And I've also talked about a few that my friends have absolutely hated, such as Plankton, The Star Wars Holiday Special, and Cats... again (multiple people named that one). But is there a movie that falls on all three lists? Something IMDB thinks is the worst, Rotten Tomatoes thinks is the worst, and Movie Night watched on one of our "Worst of 20XX" nights and loathed?

Christams Twister (2012)

I don't normally include screenshots with my reviews, but I needed you all to know that the typo in today's title isn't my mistake. This movie got its own title wrong in the opening credits! Are you fucking serious?! Don't believe me? It's currently on Tubi, so go see for yourselves! It's bad enough that Christmas Twister was renamed F6: Twister for the DVD release AND that it stars Mr. Casper Van Dien--a sure sign that it's bad--but they didn't even give the title a second look over? By writing up this post, I have put more effort into this movie than any of the creators. Fucking hell.

Dolly Parton’s Christmas on the Square (2020)

Full disclosure, I recently kind of forgot that Netflix existed. It's one of my browser shortcuts, for fuck's sake! I've been so focused on the amazing garbage Tubi is constantly offering that new releases people would actually have heard of were slipping me by. Case in point, did you know that Mrs. Dolly Parton had Netflix-original Christmas musical that came out at the end of November? Because I didn't! But I do now, so here we go!

Pet Graveyard (2019)

I'd like to make a retraction: In my Doctor Mordrid review (my second review ever on this site) I said that Pet Graveyard was a movie from The Asylum. It turns out that it's actually from Uncork'd Entertainment, which is similar in that both companies make bad movies, but Uncork'd seems to have less production value than the Asylum. So with that damning statement, let's tackle another entry from my "movies I have referenced" list!

A Windigo Tale (2010)

I like movie monsters. Give me some nasty motherfucker with too many teeth and eyes that pierce into your soul and I'm a happy individual. One of my favorite monsters is the wendigo, an Ojibway evil spirit that pop culture has taken and claimed as it's own (seriously, they even show up in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic). But none of that really matters, because there is no wendigo in A Windigo Tale. There is a horrible monster that devoured the young members of their tribe, but it's more... metaphorical.

Children of the Corn: Runaway (2018)

And here we are at last: October of the Corn has reached the final movie of the Children of the Corn franchise. I mean, at least for now as even coronavirus apparently can't stop the upcoming reboot. But Children of the Corn: Runaway is an interesting one as it's a sequel to 2009's Children of the Corn made-for-TV reboot, but made after Children of the Corn: Genesis, which by all accounts appears to be in the original continuity. Then again, if Scorpion King: Book of Souls can come out after Tom Cruise rebooted The Mummy, the sky's the limit! Enough faffing about, let's finish this franchise.