Part of the "fun" of spending an entire month watching some of the worst movies ever made is seeing things that have been on my to-do list for years. Like, sure, I've seen Birdemic: Shock and Terror several times and The Room close to 30 times (fuck you, only God can judge me), but what about all those movies that I couldn't bring myself to inflict on my friends? So despite all the garbage I've watched in my life, Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 had slipped me by. But now's my chance to remedy this mistake! Lucky me!
Have you noticed that a good chunk of horror media uses easily recognizable creatures but avoids naming them as such? Like, those aren't zombies in The Walking Dead; they're "walkers" or "biters" or whatever. In 28 Days Later they're called "the infected." And in 2007's I Am Legend those aren't "vampires;" they're... actually I don't know what those creatures are supposed to be, but they're vampires in the source material. What I'm trying to say is I didn't hear the word "alien" in this movie until about an hour and 22 minutes in, despite just about everyone watching the movie realizing early on this is about aliens. The trailer's even less subtle!
I know that one or two of you were expecting an X-Men: First Class review to happen this week, but I need a break from big budget franchises (not stopping Mummy Mondays though, sorry not sorry). Why watch movies that people have actually heard of when I can go back to talking about the weirdest shit no one but me cares about? Gotta stick to my brand! With that out of the way, today I'm talking about a movie I've mentioned previously on this blog: Honeymoon.
Who knew that batshit conspiracy theories could be so boring? Long story short, I heard about Gaia, a steaming service of "consciousness expanding videos." It has a bunch of yoga stuff, but apparently it's also notorious for having some really out there conspiracy videos. So, of course, I signed up for a free trial to see how kooky things could get. And the answer is, pretty damn kooky!
We're back! Almost a decade after The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, just about everybody returns for The Lost Skeleton Returns Again. And I do mean (just about) everybody: the titular Lost Skeleton survived being thrown off a cliff but is missing his body; the dead evil scientist, Roger Fleming, is replaced by his twin brother, Peter Fleming, who is not evil; and Ranger Brad's twin brother, Jungle Brad, steps in. They have different last names, of course.
There are–in my mind–three kinds of film parodies. The first are soulless cash grabs. Stuff like most of the Scary Movie franchise, Date Movie, Vampires Suck… really, anything by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. The second are shameless knock-offs. Stretching the definition a bit, but these include Doctor Mordrid, Atlantic Rim, and most of the movies made by The Asylum that aren’t Syfy original movies. And the last are made by people who actually enjoyed the source material: Galaxy Quest, Young Frankenstein, and The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, a movie Movie Night adores.
I like describing this movie to people. I tell them about the time-travelling bear that was abducted by aliens, the Freaky Friday switch that also goes across time, a masked serial killer inspired by a lame movie starring “Moscow Hyatt,” a jock infused with fly blood, subdued Dane Cook… “Isn’t there detention in a movie called Detention?” Yeah yeah, I was getting to that.
Movie adaptations of Mr. Stephen King’s books are really hit or miss. Some like The Shining become classics, while others like The Langoliers have flying walnuts with teeth. I feel like Dreamcatcher is closer to the latter, mostly because the aliens here are fungal dick snakes with vagina dentata mouths that burst out of your ass.
AKA Live Die Repeat. Or maybe Live. Die. Repeat.? Either way I think we all can agree that the best name comes from the manga: All You Need is Kill.
I’ve watched a fair amount of movies. I’d even go as far as to say “a lot.” Every week my friends and I gather and watch three (or so) as part of our Movie Night, I’ve been hitting up my local theater every week to see more current movies, and then I’ll sometimes watch something on Netflix in my free time. That adds up over the weeks, months, and years (Movie Night is over a decade old). So when I say that I’ve seen Phoenix Forgotten before, I don’t mean that literally, but instead that it reminds me of three other found footage movies: one I love, one I’m still ambivalent on, and one I hate.