Okay, you guys. You guys! I have a million dollar idea. No, a billion dollar idea! Are you ready? You're not ready, but here we go: what if--take a moment and think about this--what if... Superman... was evil? I know, right?! Groundbreaking. Revolutionary. Just think about how much--wait, what? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS HAS BEEN DONE A THOUSAND TIMES BEFORE?! Fuck... FUCK!! Fine! Whatever! I'll stick with just talking about movies, then, I fucking guess.
aliens
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
COVID fucked up a lot of stuff. Case in point, Marvel celebrated the release of Thor: Love and Thunder because that meant they had finally caught up with all the projects announced at San Diego Comic Con 2019 (that had a release date). November 5, 2021? Whoopsie! But it's here now, and it's getting... very mixed reviews. And I kind of agree. To an extent, at least.
Life (2017)
I will never not be amazed at how some movies just... sneak past me. Like sure, movies come out all the time and sometimes I'm just not paying attention, but how did a movie from 5 years ago starring Mr. Jake Gyllenhaal and Mr. Ryan Reynolds slip by? And it's a sci-fi horror? This feels like an intentional slight and I will not stand for it.
Don’t Look Up (2021)
If nothing is done soon, global warming and climate change will kill us all. The sea levels will rise, severe weather patterns will become more common, entire ecosystems will be destroyed, and more disastrous things are in our future. Our entire way of life is at risk and there not only are people who are apathetic to these problems, but some actively ignore the warning signs and say nothing is wrong. It's an absolutely maddening situation. And that's basically the plot of Don't Look Up, only it's a comet and not rising global temperatures. Interesting premise, but not the best execution.
Eternals (2021)
I want to start by saying that I enjoyed Eternals. I went in with some fairly low expectations after all the mixed reviews, but I thought it was better than expected. It was fun--and not in a "so dumb it wraps back around to enjoyable" way--and despite the long run time, I never really felt it drag. But there be spoilers ahead, so keep reading at your own discretion. Like the header said, I won't spoil the big moments, but still.
Virus (1999)
Every movie is somebody's least favorite movie. That's just the law of averages, in my mind. I can look up just about any movie generally regarded as "good" or "a classic" and find 1 star reviews saying it's boring, or just sucks. But while most people can safely ignore idontknowiknowthatidontknow's review of The Shawshank Redemption, "if this film is #2 of all time, then i am Jesus Christ returning to burn this trash," big names saying they hate a movie they actually were in is worth noticing. Case in point, Mrs. Jamie Lee Curtis has said on multiple occasions that Virus is the worst movie she's ever been in, which is a bold claim to make about a fairly okay movie.
When They Cry: Kai – Season 2, Episode 1
Welcome back to the ongoing recaps of Higurashi no Naku Koro ni, AKA When They Cry! I had a slight hiccup in the schedule, but I've got the series all sorted out now up to season 3 thanks to a blu-ray collection! Just never ask me how much money I've sunk into this blog or I will cry. Anyway, after the Cat Killing Chapter special episode we are now officially in the second season, When They Cry: Kai, with "Kai" translating to something like "Solution." This series/season has a new opening in addition to a new name, and hopefully some new answers to all the questions I have after the first series/season. What kind of questions? What a great segue into a recap!
What If…? – Season 1, Episode 9
So you might notice that I have not ascended to godhood. While I did correctly guess that What If...?'s eighth episode would be titled "What If Ultron Won?" I was wrong about the title of the final episode. It's actually titled "What If the Watcher Broke His Oath?" which is definitely a better title, so I'll take that loss. Everything in the first season has been leading up to this moment, as well as something in the second season! Let's wrap this up!
What If…? – Season 1, Episode 8
I fuckin' called it! Hell yeah! Sure, we all pretty much knew what this episode would be about, but I got the title exactly right! Granted, the number of titles it could've had was limited. But still! "What If Ultron Won?" is the name of this episode, and I got it exactly right last time. Now, if next week's finale is titled “What If It Took a Multiverse to Save the Multiverse?” then I shall transcend the mortal plane and become a god.
What If…? – Season 1, Episode 7
A lot of What If...? comic stories are total downers. A bunch of real bummer buzzkills, bro! But why can't everything just be chill for once? Sometimes it's just nice to have an alternate reality that doesn't harsh my vibe. I'm running out of incredibly dated slang, but the gist is that "What If Thor Was an Only Child?" is essentially a frat bro comedy about Earth's biggest party ever, and the party poopers who are ready to nuke the site from orbit.
Chwineka Watches 