I love The Blair Witch Project. It's one of my favorite films (that I weirdly don't own), but it's by no means a perfect movie. Writers/directors Mr. Eduardo Sánchez and Daniel Myrick got amazing performances out of the small cast but through some rough means. And its financial success (under half $1 million budget against a $248.6 million box office) convinced every jackass with half an idea and a home movie camera that they too could make a found footage movie. But with those quibbles out of the way, now is my time to gush.
When a friend told me about Triggered, I was confused why she was drawing my attention to a film about kids in the woods with bombs around their necks. But that's 2020's Triggered; 2019's Triggered is about a social justice warrior murdering people. That made a bit more sense given my tendency to watch the worst movies. But maybe this was a parody made in good faith? Maybe the message isn't just, "she's a deranged person who's doing all this for attention." But then I saw it, and unfortunately that's absolutely the message. Well fuck me, I guess.
Ha ha HA!! I bet you saw the title and thought to yourself, "Oh thank god, he's finally done with all that Mothman shit." WELL THINK AGAIN, DEAR READER!! Turns out Tubi had one last movie with Mothman, and this time there's an actual Mothman in it! Sure, it was for two seconds, and it was actually a dream, and it looked like garbage, but still!
What's worse than a Mothman movie with a bad Mothman? A Mothman movie that doesn't have any Mothman! Yeah, we're still on America's second favorite cryptid (I'll get to you another day, Bigfoot), and today's movie is just... bad. Astonishingly bad. So bad that I'm skipping a normal recap and just ripping right into the fucker.
I know I complained about it in the Paranormal Investigation post, but man, movies about ghosts with absolutely no special effects suck. I guess it can rarely work--The Blair Witch Project, while not about a ghost per say, has no special effects and is amazing--but no effects AND a complete lack of effort a bad movie make. Throw in a title like Cold Creepy Feeling--sometimes called Cold Creepy Feeling: Paranormal Exorcism for unknown reason--and we have a hat trick of suck.
I honestly don't remember how I first heard about this movie. It's pretty low budget and stars no one you've heard of (one actress was "Historian's Wife" in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and another was Jira from Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace who I had to look up because who the actual fuck is that). Well, Boy George is the occasional narrator, but they had him in the studio for, like, an hour. Anyway, it's a weird little story about wolves. Or gay men. Or gay wolves.
I think we all knew that I would review The Room at some point. I own two copies of it because I lent a copy to a friend, forgot, bought a replacement, and then she gave it back. I’ve seen it well over two dozen times, both with the RiffTrax (the guys from MST3K providing an audio file you sync yourself) and without. I’ve read The Disaster Artist, the book Greg Sestero wrote about what a nightmare making the film was, and I’ve even seen the solid 3 out of 5 movie adaptation of that book. So I feel a bit of obligation to review this.
Look, I absolutely can talk about Batman non-stop for weeks on end, but for both our sakes I'd rather not. I still have several movies I own that I want to talk about, so that means the occasional break in the three or four weeks I'm going to be focusing on this particular superhero. So instead of something related like The Shadow, we have Lo.
So there’s a sub-genre of movies–mostly horror–that are fascinating to me in how niche they are: they have an Italian director, usually with American/English actors, and all the filmed audio is thrown out the window in favor of re-recording it in the studio later. Why do this? Some say that because the film will have to be re-dubed into foreign languages anyway, why not, but it’s still… jarring. This movie is jarring and weird.
There are–in my mind–three kinds of film parodies. The first are soulless cash grabs. Stuff like most of the Scary Movie franchise, Date Movie, Vampires Suck… really, anything by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. The second are shameless knock-offs. Stretching the definition a bit, but these include Doctor Mordrid, Atlantic Rim, and most of the movies made by The Asylum that aren’t Syfy original movies. And the last are made by people who actually enjoyed the source material: Galaxy Quest, Young Frankenstein, and The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, a movie Movie Night adores.