The Craft (1996)

For a lot of people my age--Millennials that are very close to the Generation X divide--the 90's are a nostalgic time. Things were better back then, right? Or at least we didn't have the maturity and capacity to understand how things were not good, haven't been good for a long time, and that a lot of our current problems have roots back then. But, uh... at least the movies back then were good? Some of the movies. Okay, so this and a couple other movies that nostalgia goggles convince us were good. This intro is getting away from me... SO YEAH ANYWAY, HOW ABOUT THE CRAFT?

The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption (2012)

Full disclosure, this was the last film in Mummy Mondays that I was looking forward to. I had never seen a Scorpion King movie before this, and I wasn't all that excited to do so. This movie was the exception for two very big reasons: Mr. Billy Zane and Ron Perlman! Motherfuckin' the Collector from Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight and the good Hellboy! Even if this movie was awful, at least I had those two keeping me afloat.

The Scorpion King (2002)

The Brendan Fraser Mummy franchise is dead, but it's legacy lives on in the spinoff, The Scorpion King, and it's 4 direct-to-DVD sequels. Seriously, the fifth one came out two years ago. Having a spinoff of The Mummy Returns does make some sense as Mr. The Rock was only in that movie for about 4 minutes, and then sort of again at the end when his poorly rendered face is on the big scorpion monster. I mean, you got a popular wrestler before he became a big time movie star, and you barely feature him? No no no, he's got to have a film all his own!

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008)

Did you know that there was a third Mummy film starring Mr. Brendan Fraser? I'm pretty sure I didn't before starting Mummy Mondays. Released 7 years after The Mummy Returns and not directed by Stephen Sommers--the director of the first two films--this really does feel like an unnecessary addition just so it can be called a trilogy. Which is a bit of a shame because despite this film getting negative reviews, I didn't think it was that bad.

The Muppets’ Wizard of Oz (2005)

Full disclosure, this wasn’t the movie I planned on posting today. Not too long ago I had picked up a copy of The Devil’s Rain, a 1975 cult movie starring William Shatner minus his eyes, Ernest Borgnine as a goatman, and was the film debut of one Mr. John Travolta. And it was… fine. The effects were nice and the story was kind of lame, but cult movies aren’t generally known for being conventionally good. After watching it at Movie Night I was preparing myself to write up a review, but… I just couldn’t. There was another movie that we watched the same night that haunted me. A confusing mess that just wouldn’t leave my brain, forcing me to inflict it on the world.

Gretel & Hansel (2020)

Mr. Oz “Osgood” Perkins (son of Psycho actor Anthony Perkins) has directed 3 movies now, Gretel & Hansel being his most recent and the only one he didn’t write, so it’s hard for me to say he has a specific “director trademark.” All three movies are a bit slow (some slower than others) and there is a tendency towards awkward narration. But where I thought I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House was okay and The Blackcoat’s Daughter was pretty good, I adore Gretel & Hansel.

Doctor Mordrid (1992)

Once upon a time, this almost was a live-action Doctor Strange movie. Not the first, that distinction goes to the made-for-TV 1978 version staring a Mr. Peter Hooten and his pornstache. But the licensing fell through and enough details were changed so that Charles Band could be credited as "based on an original idea by." Sure, why not.