I want to start by saying that we have a lot to thank Robert Zemeckis for. He wrote and directed Back to the Future, its sequels, and directed the... Back to the Future Saturday morning cartoon? That has to be a typo. Anyway the man is a legend! Buuuuut... holy crap, his animated movies are unpleasant to look at. It also doesn't help that the story at the heart of The Polar Express is also pretty blah.
When I talked about The Scorpion King 4: Quest for Power, I had a number of people very surprised that they made 4 of these movies. Well hold on to your butts, but there's actually 5 (so far). We've gone many different directions in this franchise, from the first feeling similar in tone to The Mummy Returns, the second being the Young Adventures of Mathayus, the third and fourth feeling like unconnected SyFy original movies, and then this one taking itself very seriously. And that could have been interesting, if I weren't exhausted all the way down to my soul by this franchise.
I was kind of right! Score half a point for me! In the The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption post, I said I'd be pissed if Cobra/Silda and her people were killed off between movies, and they... might have been? They're never mentioned, Mathayus' new kingdom is never mentioned, and anything tying this to the previous movie has seemingly been scrubbed away. I mean, except for keeping Mr. Victor Webster as the Scorpion King. Like... why keep the actor if you're not keeping almost any other form of continuity?
Full disclosure, this was the last film in Mummy Mondays that I was looking forward to. I had never seen a Scorpion King movie before this, and I wasn't all that excited to do so. This movie was the exception for two very big reasons: Mr. Billy Zane and Ron Perlman! Motherfuckin' the Collector from Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight and the good Hellboy! Even if this movie was awful, at least I had those two keeping me afloat.
We've reached the point of Mummy Mondays where we're talking about a sequel AND a prequel to a spin-off to what is effectively a reboot. Cue the Inception noise. This movie is... certainly something I spent almost 2 hours watching.
The Brendan Fraser Mummy franchise is dead, but it's legacy lives on in the spinoff, The Scorpion King, and it's 4 direct-to-DVD sequels. Seriously, the fifth one came out two years ago. Having a spinoff of The Mummy Returns does make some sense as Mr. The Rock was only in that movie for about 4 minutes, and then sort of again at the end when his poorly rendered face is on the big scorpion monster. I mean, you got a popular wrestler before he became a big time movie star, and you barely feature him? No no no, he's got to have a film all his own!
Did you know that there was a third Mummy film starring Mr. Brendan Fraser? I'm pretty sure I didn't before starting Mummy Mondays. Released 7 years after The Mummy Returns and not directed by Stephen Sommers--the director of the first two films--this really does feel like an unnecessary addition just so it can be called a trilogy. Which is a bit of a shame because despite this film getting negative reviews, I didn't think it was that bad.
I recently talked about the supposed trilogy pattern of "first is fine, second is superb, third is terrible," so it's interesting to watch a trilogy that breaks that pattern. 1999's The Mummy is a great movie that people love, while The Mummy Returns... exists.
Alright, now we’re cooking! It’s taken roughly 10,000 years, but we’ve reached The Mummy movies that people have actually heard of. Sure, it was nice to see what came before and the origins of characters/names Mr. Stephen Sommers pulled from, but we’ve had enough of these movies taking themselves seriously. Show me some Brendan Fraser scaring the villain off with a cat!
Who has two thumbs and actually looked at a calendar before deciding what movie to review? You’ll have to trust me on the thumbs part, but this guy! Tomorrow is the Fourth of July, and because of that I thought I should do a themed post. But what to watch? Independence Day is almost too obvious, Jaws took place during the Fourth… But I decided to go with a movie based on longstanding American traditions: stealing stuff and believing conspiracy theories. LET’S STEAL THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE!