The Scorpion King 4: Quest for Power (2015)

I was kind of right! Score half a point for me! In the The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption post, I said I'd be pissed if Cobra/Silda and her people were killed off between movies, and they... might have been? They're never mentioned, Mathayus' new kingdom is never mentioned, and anything tying this to the previous movie has seemingly been scrubbed away. I mean, except for keeping Mr. Victor Webster as the Scorpion King. Like... why keep the actor if you're not keeping almost any other form of continuity?

The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption (2012)

Full disclosure, this was the last film in Mummy Mondays that I was looking forward to. I had never seen a Scorpion King movie before this, and I wasn't all that excited to do so. This movie was the exception for two very big reasons: Mr. Billy Zane and Ron Perlman! Motherfuckin' the Collector from Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight and the good Hellboy! Even if this movie was awful, at least I had those two keeping me afloat.

The Scorpion King (2002)

The Brendan Fraser Mummy franchise is dead, but it's legacy lives on in the spinoff, The Scorpion King, and it's 4 direct-to-DVD sequels. Seriously, the fifth one came out two years ago. Having a spinoff of The Mummy Returns does make some sense as Mr. The Rock was only in that movie for about 4 minutes, and then sort of again at the end when his poorly rendered face is on the big scorpion monster. I mean, you got a popular wrestler before he became a big time movie star, and you barely feature him? No no no, he's got to have a film all his own!

The Mummy (1999)

Alright, now we’re cooking! It’s taken roughly 10,000 years, but we’ve reached The Mummy movies that people have actually heard of. Sure, it was nice to see what came before and the origins of characters/names Mr. Stephen Sommers pulled from, but we’ve had enough of these movies taking themselves seriously. Show me some Brendan Fraser scaring the villain off with a cat!

So Undercover (2012)

This post is not sponsored by Tubi, but I am gonna gush about them for a bit. Sorry, but’s a site with a bunch of movies you can watch for free! Sure there are ads, but uBlock Origin beats that shit down pretty well. And the movies come in a variety of flavors, from “That was pretty good,” to “Wait, they made a movie with THAT premise?!” And on that note, let’s talk about So Undercover, a film where Ms. Miley Cyrus infiltrates a sorority under orders from the FBI.

Viktor und Viktoria (1933)

Eagle-eyed readers may have noticed that there have been more reviews tagged “queer” than usual lately. That’s intentional and in honor of Pride month! There are no pride parades or celebrations I feel comfortable attending this year, so it’s down to watching a bunch of gay movies. And it turns out others have the same idea! My local indie theater is participating in Pioneers of Queer Cinema, showing a trio of very old queer films this month, and that’s our theme this week. We start with Viktor und Viktoria, the 1933 German musical that inspired the 1982 Mrs. Julie Andrews classic, Victor/Victoria.

Foodfight! (2012)

I don’t know about you, but I need a break from Batman. So let’s switch gears and watching something absolutely awful! Foodfight!–the title has an exclamation point so you know it’s quality–is infamously bad: it’s hideous, the story sucks, it’s shameless product placement, and it cost $65 million to make because they had no idea what they were doing and then the computers the movie was stored on got stolen. Oops! It eventually limped its way to a DVD release, and here we are. I own this. I make only the best decisions.

Batman (1966)

Some of you had to know what was coming. Holy Throwback Thursday, Batman! It’s Adam West and Burt Ward in Batman ’66! After a yacht vanishes before their eyes and a shark explodes, Batman and Robin know that this is the work of (at least) one of their greatest enemies. The whole situation is fishy, so it’s the Penguin! It happened at sea, and “C” stands for Catwoman! The shark was “pulling” Batman’s leg, so the Joker! And it all this adds up to a sinister riddle… Riddle-r? The Riddler! If you haven’t seen this movie, I want you to know that every one of these amazing leaps in logic are straight from the movie and take place over a 10 second sequence. And they’re not the movie ridiculous part. This movie is amazing.

Lo (2009)

Look, I absolutely can talk about Batman non-stop for weeks on end, but for both our sakes I'd rather not. I still have several movies I own that I want to talk about, so that means the occasional break in the three or four weeks I'm going to be focusing on this particular superhero. So instead of something related like The Shadow, we have Lo.