I have no one to blame but myself. Not only did I willingly invited suffering into my life, but I sought it out. And all it cost me was a piece of my soul. And $13. Free shipping, though!
Can you believe I'd never seen Troll 2 before? I know, it's kind of shocking. I'm a connoisseur of crappy movies, so somehow avoiding one of the most infamous ones is a little impressive. But Tubi is there for me with just the best selection of awful movies, so I felt it was finally time to fix this cosmic mistake. And everyone was right! This is a really bad movie!
If nothing is done soon, global warming and climate change will kill us all. The sea levels will rise, severe weather patterns will become more common, entire ecosystems will be destroyed, and more disastrous things are in our future. Our entire way of life is at risk and there not only are people who are apathetic to these problems, but some actively ignore the warning signs and say nothing is wrong. It's an absolutely maddening situation. And that's basically the plot of Don't Look Up, only it's a comet and not rising global temperatures. Interesting premise, but not the best execution.
With Captain America: The First Avenger, all 6 of the main Avengers have been introduced. Iron Man was introduced in Iron Man, Hulk in The Incredible Hulk, Black Widow in Iron Man 2, and both Thor and Hawkeye in Thor. All that's missing is the star-spangled man with a plan, leading us to this flashback movie. Welcome back to MCU March! Let's talk about the last movie leading up to The Avengers.
"The Star Wars Holiday Special inspired me to do this," is a dangerous statement and sounds like something a guy acting as his own lawyer would tell a judge. But a while ago I asked around on social media what people thought was the worst movie they had ever seen, and one person responded with the Holiday Special. Worst ever, hm? What if I reviewed a bunch of movies like that? What if I spent all of January reviewing absolute dogshit movies, and Mr. Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas being (as of writing) #6 on the IMDB Bottom 100 would be a good transition to that since it's still December? So here we are, talking about the dork from Growing Pains doing what he does best: be insufferable.
A game I like to play with my friends is "Actually, You Do Know What This Is." It's where I show someone a the full context of a meme's origin. For example, odds are you don't know Sunstroke Project or Sergey Stepanov by name, but he's the internet's favorite Epic Sax Guy (the song is called "Run Away," by the way, and it slaps). The reason I bring this up is because The Gay Deceivers is a completely forgettable movie except for the only decent actor giving an amazing line: "I may not know my flowers, but I know a BITCH when I see one!" Yup, this is that movie.
Last time I talked about Reefer Madness, AKA Tell Your Children, so me talking about the parody right after shouldn't be a surprise. I mean, I flat out said it at the end, but anyway. Based on the 1998 stage musical, Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical was a Showtime original movie with a truly ridiculous cast. Mr. Alan Cumming (Nightcrawler in X2) as the narrator! And he was also FDR! Kristen Bell as Mary! Steven Weber as Jack, Anna Gasteyer as Mae, and John Kassir (AKA the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt, including Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight)! And... uh, Neve Campbell's older brother as Jimmy. Wait, he's a year older than her, but here plays a much younger character? Well that's news to me...
Do you know someone held captive in the seductive grip of marijuana? Sorry, I mean, "marihuana?" If so, you must do everything in your power to help your friend see the light before they're driven to mindless violence! And if that person happens to be you, then God have mercy on your soul... Or so Reefer Madness, AKA Tell Your Children would have you believe. Man, the makers of this film sound really uptight; if only there were a recreational substance that could help them relax...
I mentioned this film back in June when I was watching the Pioneers of Queer Cinema bundle (specifically 1924's Michael in this instance), but it's finally time to talk about Anders als die Andern, AKA Different from the Others, the first film ever made with a pro-gay message. Yay for queer history!
Many years ago, when I was a child-shaped entity, my father had a big book of movie reviews. Pretty sure it was VideoHound’s Golden Movie Retriever, or whatever it might have been called back then. Anyway, the book rated movies on a 0 to 4 scale with “bones” instead of “stars” and a noticeable “Woof!” for movies that got a 0. Being weird, I had looked up all the movies that started with the word “Blood,” and this woof of a review stood out. After reading the summary, I made it my goal in life to see this awful film. Which brings us to now.