Alright! A day late, but we're here! The long-awaited sequel to The Craft! I'm sure somebody wanted this, right? Anyway, 24 years later we have a... sequel? Soft reboot? An Evil Dead 2 of a movie. But how is it? Is this a movie that needed to be made? I'll get to that eventually.
For a lot of people my age--Millennials that are very close to the Generation X divide--the 90's are a nostalgic time. Things were better back then, right? Or at least we didn't have the maturity and capacity to understand how things were not good, haven't been good for a long time, and that a lot of our current problems have roots back then. But, uh... at least the movies back then were good? Some of the movies. Okay, so this and a couple other movies that nostalgia goggles convince us were good. This intro is getting away from me... SO YEAH ANYWAY, HOW ABOUT THE CRAFT?
When a friend told me about Triggered, I was confused why she was drawing my attention to a film about kids in the woods with bombs around their necks. But that's 2020's Triggered; 2019's Triggered is about a social justice warrior murdering people. That made a bit more sense given my tendency to watch the worst movies. But maybe this was a parody made in good faith? Maybe the message isn't just, "she's a deranged person who's doing all this for attention." But then I saw it, and unfortunately that's absolutely the message. Well fuck me, I guess.
People who know me in real life know that I am 100% a cat person. Up until the death of my previous cat, I couldn’t remember a time where I didn’t have at least one fuzzball in my life. In fact, as I am writing this sentence, I have one (Willow) in my lap wondering why I’m ignoring her while she’s being so cute, and another (Xander) is thankfully silent, sleeping on the floor and waiting for me to go to bed. So when I saw that Netflix was coming out with a cat-themed anime movie, I was excited. And it’s more wholesome than the harem anime Nyan Koi!
And we’re back with the second film in the Pioneers of Queer Cinema bundle, Mädchen in Uniform, AKA Girls in Uniform. This is a very lady power movie: based on a play by a female writer, this has a female director and I’m pretty sure not a single man appears in the film. Very rare by today’s standards, but this was made in 1931 so I guess there’s another reason our current world sucks. Anyway…
Last time I talked about Cyrano de Bergerac, and as promised, today’s film is heavily inspired by it, albeit with a more modern skin. In The Half of It our Cyrano is an Asian, lesbian high school student named Ellie, our Roxanne is Aster, and our Christian is Paul. But in addition to the queer theme, I say this movie is better because the characters are more fleshed out and real, but also because Ellie doesn’t die in the throes of delirium.
So apparently some people on the internet don’t like this movie. They are wrong. It’s just that simple.
There’s a trend of gay movies being rather dark and ending with the queer protagonist (or someone they love) dying. Soldier’s Girl, Brokeback Mountain, the list goes on. And I just… can we not? Life as a queer person is already rough enough without having to sit through “tragedy porn” in order to see some representation. Give me more gay romantic comedies! Or gay love stories that DON’T involve someone dying in an attempt to tug at my heartstrings and/or win awards!
I like describing this movie to people. I tell them about the time-travelling bear that was abducted by aliens, the Freaky Friday switch that also goes across time, a masked serial killer inspired by a lame movie starring “Moscow Hyatt,” a jock infused with fly blood, subdued Dane Cook… “Isn’t there detention in a movie called Detention?” Yeah yeah, I was getting to that.