Carnival of Souls (1962)

I have a list bookmarked that ranks what most people regard as the best horror movies ever made. And I've... covered an embarrassingly few of those movies on this blog. I definitely have seen a huge chunk of these films! I just tend to gravitate towards garbage because ranting about something being bad is easier than making a post with nothing but praise. But I have plans to burn through a couple of my personal to-do lists, so let's kick off this burst of motivation by talking about something actually good for a change: Carnival of Souls.

What If…? – Season 1, Episode 5

Breaking the tradition of the last two What If...? posts, this is not my newest favorite episode of the series. By process of elimination I think it's actually my least favorite? But that's not the same as "the worst"--just "my fifth favorite out of five episodes." This wasn't too much of a surprise, as episode 5, "What If Zombies?!" goes all in on the reanimated dead, and I'm typically lukewarm towards zombies. And for reference, Otto; or, Up with Dead People gets a pass on how gay it is and because it came out before zombies oversaturated the media landscape.

Against the Dark (2009)

Have you ever read a movie's summary or watched a trailer and though, "Oh, this is going to be awful"? I get that feeling a lot--most recently I'm looking at you, Joe Bell. In this particular case, picture this: Mr. Steven Seagal well past his prime, wielding a katana, fighting vampires. That sounds awful! Amazingly awful! Add in a director known for Donnie Darko (as the camera operator) and a writer who never wrote any other full length films and you have a recipe for disaster. Steven Seagal is... Against the Dark!

Shark Island (2015)

My very own Shark Week continues! Sure, it's a month after the actual Shark Week, but the best laid plans of sharks and men, or something like that. I'm burning through the "Shark Bait: 6 Killer Shark Films" DVD collection and we're at the sixth film: Zombie Shark. Sorry, I mean Shark Island, even though everything on the DVD says that this movie should be called Zombie Shark. I guess they decided to go with the less provocative title since there's actually more than one undead shark in this film, but whatever.

Fear Street: 1666 (2021)

I did it! I actually took the time to reread The Fear Street Saga books! And it's a good thing I did, because the parallels between that trilogy of books and this trilogy of movies are... uh... Okay, so there's next to no connection and I can't get too excited about reading a novella written for teenagers, but still. Back to the topic on hand, Fear Street: 1666 ties all the threads from Fear Street: 1994 and Fear Street: 1978 together, revealing the truth behind all the bad things that happen in Shadyside. And I'm going to talk around that as this is a mostly spoiler free review. Yup, being super inconsistent about that with this trilogy.

Fear Street: 1994 (2021)

One thing this blog lacks (as of writing) is an "About the Author" page. I've thought about it multiple times and even have a draft saved, but so far nothing has felt quite right. Early on I even considered doing a series of posts where I explain my history with the horror genre: from AOL public domain stories posted around Halloween by some guy named "Lovecraft" to The Fear Street Saga, three books that told the history of the cursed town Shadyside. I even still have those books! Well, imagine my surprise when they announced a trilogy of Fear Street movies inspired by the book series of the same name. Hell, they even got Mrs. Leigh Janiak--the director of Honeymoon, one of my favorite movies--to direct all three! These movies were specifically made for me, which is a bit sad cause the first one was... it was fine. It's fine. It was fine.

Otto; or, Up with Dead People (2008)

Once upon a time, I started a movie blog. The twist of the story is that what I created was not this Chwineka Watches, but a different, earlier blog whose name escapes me at the moment (probably also Chwineka Watches). The reviews were more longform, with posts being around 4000 words and featured several screenshots that had quirky captions because I was obviously inspired by Cracked Dot Com. One of the movies I reviewed at the time was Otto; or, Up with Dead People, a film about a gay zombie, something I'm redoing here as part of Pride Month. Looking back years later on that early review is weird to me now, because I can see how my opinions and thought processes have changed over time. Lemme explain.

Army of the Dead (2021)

I want to open this post by saying that this is probably my favorite Zack Snyder movie. I know I said that about Sucker Punch, and I still need to revisit 300 and Watchmen to see how I feel about them, but yeah, this is my new favorite of his. Army of the Dead is a zombie film apparently unrelated to Snyder's Dawn of the Dead remake, but it's a fun zombie heist flick to turn your brain off while watching. Unfortunately, my brain is stuck in the "on" position, so there are some things I want to talk about.

The Rift: Dark Side of the Moon (2016)

Lemme pull back the curtain a bit here at Chwineka Watches: I usually listen to music when writing up these posts. Revolutionary, I know. I have that "lofi hip hop radio" YouTube video bookmarked, but lately I've felt the urge to listen to music in my collection. Even more recently, I've taken all the songs I have from my new favorite band--the Anix--put them into one playlist, and just hit shuffle when it comes time to write. I really do like these guys, so imagine my surprise when I heard them while watching this utterly lackluster Serbian film! But, like, not actually A Serbian Film, a movie I will never watch, let alone for this blog.

Tsunambee (2015)

Who doesn't love a good bad disaster movie? You don't go into Sharknado expecting fine cinema, you go in hoping that a guy cuts a shark in half with a chainsaw, and that said shark was delivered to him via tornado. So imagine how excited I was when I first saw a film called Tsunambee. The tagline on the poster is "This is gonna sting a little!" It's a goofy movie about a tsunami of bees, right? Right...?