Okay, you guys. You guys! I have a million dollar idea. No, a billion dollar idea! Are you ready? You're not ready, but here we go: what if--take a moment and think about this--what if... Superman... was evil? I know, right?! Groundbreaking. Revolutionary. Just think about how much--wait, what? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS HAS BEEN DONE A THOUSAND TIMES BEFORE?! Fuck... FUCK!! Fine! Whatever! I'll stick with just talking about movies, then, I fucking guess.
“The Thing! Is his dork made out of orange rock like the rest of his body?”
– Mallrats (1995)
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
COVID fucked up a lot of stuff. Case in point, Marvel celebrated the release of Thor: Love and Thunder because that meant they had finally caught up with all the projects announced at San Diego Comic Con 2019 (that had a release date). November 5, 2021? Whoopsie! But it's here now, and it's getting... very mixed reviews. And I kind of agree. To an extent, at least.
Arrow – Season 2, Episodes 1-2
Oh man, it's been a minute. Remember back when I would occasionally talk about TV shows? I mean sure, I did wrap up Centaurworld after coming back from my hiatus, but it's been a year since I last talked about Arrow. Similar to how my work schedule has made it hard to watch movies while giving me time to read comics on the clock, squeezing in a 42 minute TV episode isn't too difficult. And so I'm continuing my coverage of the expansive Arrowverse! But first, a recap of season 1.
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
I've wanted to get a tattoo for ages now--don't worry, this will eventually tie in. My main problem is that I haven't come up with an idea worth the time and money to get it permanently put on my body. They say you should sit on a tattoo idea for a while before pulling the trigger, and the only ideas I've held onto that long are comic references. Like, Lantern Corps symbols from Green Lantern, or something X-Men related. Hell, Cyclops' visor could be cool. But I can't bring myself to get a tattoo of a property I have absolutely no say over how the story goes, in part because you never know when your favorite character might become a monster. Like, imagine getting a Daenerys Targaryen tattoo--or naming your daughter after her--and then seeing how her story ends in Game of Thrones. And on that note...
I'd say it feels good to be back, but really it's just good to have an outlet for all the dumb shit I want to say. Morbius is a perfect target, because it's a buckwild film. I get what they were trying to do, but... the movie's a mess from top to bottom. For the last 20 years, there's apparently been some intern at Sony who really, really wants to make a Sinister Six movie and people keep letting him throw in story seeds, but apparently no one has the heart to tell him they all suck.
Hawkeye – Season 1, Episode 6
The last episode of Hawkeye ended on a shocking cliffhanger, or at least shocking for people who are bad at predicting plot twists. Now that we've reached the final episode, the question becomes: will everything get wrapped up? And the answer is... mostly? I have few complaints. An extra 15 minutes certainly didn't hurt.
Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
I just can't talk about this movie without going full spoilers. There's a lot to cover, so this will be on the longer side.
Hawkeye – Season 1, Episode 5
We are in the final stretch of Hawkeye episodes, and already the latest episode, "Ronin," has alleviated some of the concerns I voiced last time. I'd explain more, but this is the intro paragraph where I try to keep spoilers to a minimum because this doubles as the page preview. So let's cut the crap and jump right in!
Hawkeye – Season 1, Episode 4
The latest episode of Hawkeye, "Partners, Am I Right?" has me wondering where this limited series is going. With four episodes down, we only have two left and so much is happening that I'm concerned that this series isn't going to wrap it all up. But before I get all doom and gloom about what might happen, let's talk about what actually did happen in this week's episode.
I think I've made it fairly clear by now that I watch some absolute garbage. I see a premise that sounds stupid as shit and think to myself, "Oh, I can't not watch that." Most of the time such trash is amusing in some way. Maybe it's actually sometimes funny like House Shark. Maybe it's so awful in every way that you can't help but laugh like A Talking Cat!?!. But sometimes, when fate is feeling spiteful, I watch something that's just so aggressively bland, it hurts my soul. Welcome to me talking about Elf-Man, a movie where Hornswoggle from WWE Wee Man from Jackass plays a Christmas elf superhero.