Can you believe I'd never seen Troll 2 before? I know, it's kind of shocking. I'm a connoisseur of crappy movies, so somehow avoiding one of the most infamous ones is a little impressive. But Tubi is there for me with just the best selection of awful movies, so I felt it was finally time to fix this cosmic mistake. And everyone was right! This is a really bad movie!
transformation
Morbius (2022)
I'd say it feels good to be back, but really it's just good to have an outlet for all the dumb shit I want to say. Morbius is a perfect target, because it's a buckwild film. I get what they were trying to do, but... the movie's a mess from top to bottom. For the last 20 years, there's apparently been some intern at Sony who really, really wants to make a Sinister Six movie and people keep letting him throw in story seeds, but apparently no one has the heart to tell him they all suck.
Luca (2021)
The world is--arguably--a more progressive place than it was in the past. People feel safer to be their true selves--although again, that varies from place to place, so just imagine that every positive statement in this opening comes with a little asterisk next to it. And that openness is reflected in media, with queer characters appearing more and more frequently, even in stuff for kids. Enter Luca, a story about coming out and the hostility one may face in living their life.
Nightbreed (1990)
Welcome back to the Hellbound Halloween and the first film in sort of interlude. See, the last two films in the Hellraiser franchise are their own kind of bad, so I need to take a short break before wrapping this all up with them. But that gave me an opportunity to check out some of Mr. Clive Barker's other films that are tangentially related to the Hellraiser series, starting with 1990's Nightbreed.
Alligator Alley (2013)
We've reached the end of Shark Week (or at least the version I planned back before they changed the date to July). But wait, you might say, I saw the title of today's movie, and that doesn't appear to involve sharks. And you're right! Alligator Alley--sometimes known as the infinitely better name Ragin' Cajun Redneck Gators--has absolutely no sharks in it. However, in the "Shark Bait: 6 Killer Shark Films" DVD collection, this is covered under "Plus a BONUS 7th BITE to sink your teeth into." Yup, this DVD 6 pack actually had 7 movies. What a twist!
The Field Guide to Evil (2018)
I think this is the first anthology I've reviewed on the blog? The only other time I've used that tag was with The Star Wars Holiday Special, and that was mostly a "for lack of a better word" situation. The Field Guide to Evil is a horror anthology that focuses on multicultural folklore, broadening our horizons by showcasing creatures and demons from around the world. But unfortunately for this film, not every story is told as well as the others. There were some shorts I loved, and others that just left me feeling meh.
Wildling (2018)
Sometimes you watch a movie because an actor you like is in it. I don't remember Hellraiser: Hellworld for it's groundbreaking script, but because the prolific Mr. Lance Henriksen was in the Hellraiser sequel that took place in an video game. And... Henry Cavill was in it? I'll file that away for later, but the point still stands. So while looking for my next movie to review I saw the trailer for Wildling, recognized an actor in this, and instantly knew I had to watch it. And as a bonus, Brad Dourif--Wormtongue in The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Chucky in Child's Play, and a dozen more recognizable roles--is also in this!
Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
With Captain America: The First Avenger, all 6 of the main Avengers have been introduced. Iron Man was introduced in Iron Man, Hulk in The Incredible Hulk, Black Widow in Iron Man 2, and both Thor and Hawkeye in Thor. All that's missing is the star-spangled man with a plan, leading us to this flashback movie. Welcome back to MCU March! Let's talk about the last movie leading up to The Avengers.
The Incredible Hulk (2008)
MCU March continues with The Incredible Hulk, the reboot to the Hulk movie released 5 years earlier. Gotta say, it's pretty gutsy to make a reboot that soon after the previous version, but this was also before Sony rebooted Spider-Man twice in a 5 year period. Superhero movies are strange beasts. But anyway, let's begin!
Hulk (2003)
February is almost over, so now would be a good time to announce that March is going to be another event month! Every weekday I will be talking about a different movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, so it's MCU March! I'm kicking off this endeavor with a little prologue: 2003's Hulk movie, which is not actually a part of the MCU as it was produced by Universal Studios before Iron Man started the franchise rolling, and 2008's The Incredible Hulk is a reboot for the character. But it's an infamous Marvel movie I hadn't seen, so let's fix that!
Chwineka Watches 