Sure, I could spend all of January pulling movies straight from the IMDB Bottom 100 and call it a day. Month. Whatever. But things like "bad" and "worst ever" are incredibly subjective. What you think is awful could be another person's favorite movie. As an example, Diary of a Cannibal--the worst movie I have ever seen and no I will never shut up about that--has reviews on IMDB giving it an 8 and a 10. Are these people deranged? Probably, but you get the idea. So while Possessor has been on several "best of 2020" lists, one anonymous person on Letterboxd said, and I quote, "One of the worst movies we have ever seen." Flimsy justification on my part to watch a good movie during this month, but someone said it was the worst! So here we are!
2021, baby! Happy New Year! After a remarkably shitty year we've entered into a new one full of possibility, and I'm starting it off by reviewing absolute dogshit. January is dedicated to movies considered to be "the worst ever." I've already touched on a few on the IMDB Bottom 100 like The Room, Cats, Batman & Robin, and even Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas earlier this week. Then there are the movies from Rotten Tomato's "The Worst Horror Movies of All Time" list, including Brahms: The Boy II, Fantasy Island, and the Jacob's Ladder remake. And I've also talked about a few that my friends have absolutely hated, such as Plankton, The Star Wars Holiday Special, and Cats... again (multiple people named that one). But is there a movie that falls on all three lists? Something IMDB thinks is the worst, Rotten Tomatoes thinks is the worst, and Movie Night watched on one of our "Worst of 20XX" nights and loathed?
We're going old school today! While the original Black Christmas was not the first movie involving what we today would refer to as a "slasher" killer (the original The Texas Chain Saw Massacre came out the same year), it helped popularize the horror subgenre. But is this film really about Christmas? Absolutely not. It would've been just as easy to set it during spring break. But it happens right before Christmas, so here we are, talking about it in December. Merry technicality!
I'd like to make a retraction: In my Doctor Mordrid review (my second review ever on this site) I said that Pet Graveyard was a movie from The Asylum. It turns out that it's actually from Uncork'd Entertainment, which is similar in that both companies make bad movies, but Uncork'd seems to have less production value than the Asylum. So with that damning statement, let's tackle another entry from my "movies I have referenced" list!
Have you ever watched something so bad and/or dumb that you can actually feel your brain cells killing themselves so they don't have to retain anything from it? A movie so awful you walk away a dumber person? WELL ON THAT NOTE, let me try to talk about ThanksKilling 3 without screaming too much!
It took me nearly a year, but I actually looked at the calendar before deciding what movie to watch! In honor of [American] Thanksgiving happening tomorrow, I'm going to enjoy a lovely time with all of my family members. Just kidding! I haven't seen my grandma since February! Instead we're going to talk about ThanksKilling, a low budget film about a group of young adults who get killed off by a turkey. Named Turkie. It's exactly the kind of movie you think it is.
Full disclosure, I was one of those people who believed that this movie was never going to be released. Originally slated to be released in April 2018, it was delayed four or five times because of things like the Fox/Disney merger and reshoots to change the entire tone. Like you do. In the end it released to an extremely limited theater run in August 2020, and was made widely available for [legal] streaming yesterday. As the last 20th Century Studios X-Men adjacent film--ending a 20 year franchise--was it worth the wait? Well...
Last time I talked about Reefer Madness, AKA Tell Your Children, so me talking about the parody right after shouldn't be a surprise. I mean, I flat out said it at the end, but anyway. Based on the 1998 stage musical, Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical was a Showtime original movie with a truly ridiculous cast. Mr. Alan Cumming (Nightcrawler in X2) as the narrator! And he was also FDR! Kristen Bell as Mary! Steven Weber as Jack, Anna Gasteyer as Mae, and John Kassir (AKA the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt, including Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight)! And... uh, Neve Campbell's older brother as Jimmy. Wait, he's a year older than her, but here plays a much younger character? Well that's news to me...
Surprise, bitches! I don't know why I said that, you are lovely readers and I treasure each and every one of you. Anyway, this is a super extra bonus post! Did you really think that I would end October on a meh film like Children of the Corn: Runaway? Hell no! I saved my favorite horror movie of all time for a special Saturday/Halloween post! At least that's the excuse as to why I waited 10 months to talk about The Descent.
And here we are at last: October of the Corn has reached the final movie of the Children of the Corn franchise. I mean, at least for now as even coronavirus apparently can't stop the upcoming reboot. But Children of the Corn: Runaway is an interesting one as it's a sequel to 2009's Children of the Corn made-for-TV reboot, but made after Children of the Corn: Genesis, which by all accounts appears to be in the original continuity. Then again, if Scorpion King: Book of Souls can come out after Tom Cruise rebooted The Mummy, the sky's the limit! Enough faffing about, let's finish this franchise.