The Lodge was one of the movies that I was super excited to watch and it just... somehow passed me by. No local theaters were showing it back in early 2019 and by the time I got the motivation to travel to see it, it had disappeared from all theaters. So this one has been on my to-watch list for a while, and I figured a month dedicated to horror movies would be the perfect time! Which makes it such a shame that I really didn't like it.
I'm starting this post with an aside. I live in in the Pacific Northwest in part due to its moderate weather. Well, it's supposed to be 100° the day I'm writing this, and we're on track for 110° on Monday, the day this goes live. So, uh, if I suddenly stop posting, it's because I died of heat stroke.
How do you define an "X movie" where X is whatever trait you're talking about? Is something a gay movie only because it features at least one gay person? Is it still "gay" if they're not the main characters? And is it still "gay" if one of the main actors is gay, but it never comes up so we're not sure if their character also is? I know it sounds like I'm talking around the Beauty and the Beast live-action remake, but that's a chore for some other time. After all, it's still Pride Month, so we're talking about overtly queer movies! Bit is queer, to be sure, largely because the main cast are lady vampires who are into other ladies, but that's not the only reason...
I guess I'm a Godzilla fan? But what classifies someone as a "fan" of something, really? Sure, I've seen all the live action Godzilla movies, but I've seen all the Children of the Corn movies and I'm certainly not a fan of that franchise (no one is). The only Godzilla merch I own is a card game that has been collecting dust ever since I picked it up. I own a Gamera DVD collection with 9 or so movies, so am I a Gamera fan? No, but you get the idea. I guess for me, calling myself a fan means that when Godzilla starts glowing red in Godzilla: King of the Monsters, I cheered for the reappearance of Burning Godzilla. So I'm a fan in that I'm a huge fucking nerd.
Ant-Man was the epilogue to Marvel Cinematic Universe's Phase Two, and Spider-Man: Far From Home is the epilogue to its Phase Three. But while Ant-Man didn't really have much to do with the previous film, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Far From Home is a direct continuation of Avengers: Endgame. Tony Stark is dead. Long live the... new Tony Stark? Heavy is the head that wears the crown, and it's got to be especially heavy for a 16-year-old kid from Queens. Enough purple prose, let's wrap up MCU March!
I'd like to make a retraction: In my Doctor Mordrid review (my second review ever on this site) I said that Pet Graveyard was a movie from The Asylum. It turns out that it's actually from Uncork'd Entertainment, which is similar in that both companies make bad movies, but Uncork'd seems to have less production value than the Asylum. So with that damning statement, let's tackle another entry from my "movies I have referenced" list!
When a friend told me about Triggered, I was confused why she was drawing my attention to a film about kids in the woods with bombs around their necks. But that's 2020's Triggered; 2019's Triggered is about a social justice warrior murdering people. That made a bit more sense given my tendency to watch the worst movies. But maybe this was a parody made in good faith? Maybe the message isn't just, "she's a deranged person who's doing all this for attention." But then I saw it, and unfortunately that's absolutely the message. Well fuck me, I guess.
What's this? A surprise Thursday post? That's right, it's time for another month-long event! Every weekday in October I'll have a horror movie post ready for you, dear reader(s). In previous years I've done personal things like "Chwineka Watches 31 Netflix Horror Movies for October" (or CW31NHMO for short), but ain't nobody got time for posting EVERY day. Also I have far more streaming services at my fingertips, so movies will be coming from all over the internet. Anyway, let's start the month off with something actually good: Robert Eggers' second movie, The Lighthouse.
I try to be a decent person; at least, in regards to this blog. Sure, I fuckin’ swear sometimes, but I try to provide content warnings where applicable. And dear reader, I gotta warn you about this movie: there’s body horror on screen, several allusions and threats about sexual assault, and both of those are tied enough to the plot that I’m going to talk about them. I enjoyed the movie enough to give it a thumbs up, but no one’s gonna judge if you decide to skip this one.
Gonna start this one with a bit of a tangent. The original rough draft of this post was 2563 words. See, previously I was devoting at least a paragraph to each episode, going over everything in detail. But that’s longer than your average high school essay (hell, upwards of double the length) and that’s just unfeasible. It absolutely makes sense to cut everything down, summarizing the season in a paragraph or two, and then going over things I liked or didn’t like. But on the other hand, I’m throwing away thousands of words I wrote, which is one hell of an edit. It’s all for the greater good, I know, but don’t be surprised if at some point in the future I post an actual essay about… something.