Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)

How can I devote a month to some of the worst movies ever and not talk about Birdemic: Shock and Terror? I actually own this film (but it's also available on Tubi because of course it is) and somehow managed to not get around to it during the first year of this blog. But that oversight has now been remedied! Birdemic is infamous for being up there with The Room in terms of completely inept filmmaking. It boldly asks the question, "What if The Birds was mixed with An Inconvenient Truth with the worst CG birds you've ever seen?" It is, for lack of a better word, art.

Left Behind (2014)

I am not a very religious man, but when I was younger I read several book in the Left Behind series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B Jenkins. If you haven't heard of them, they were the story of those suffering through the 7 years of the Great Tribulation. I think I got up to Assassins, the sixth book where the Antichrist gets shot in the head (he gets better), before the HEAVY religious overtones were just too much for me. But they made movie adaptations of the series, so let's dive into another shitty movie starring Mr. Kirk Cameron! Wait... I'm not talking about 2000's Left Behind? Instead I'm talking about the 2014 one starring Nic Cage, where even Christian reviewers thought it was one of the worst movies ever made? I never thought I would ever say this, but I'd rather watch a Kirk Cameron movie. I don't know how to feel about that...

Suicide Squad (2016)

Suicide Squad--not to be confused with The Suicide Squad, the upcoming reboot/sequel--is a victim of January's theme of "worst movies ever" because someone on Facebook named it. Personally, I don't think it's even the worst of the DC Extended Universe, but nobody named Batman Vee Superman Colon Dawn of Justice or Justice League. I'll get to those eventually, but today we talk about a movie done dirty by bad editing (although its lackluster story didn't help).

The Amazing Bulk (2012)

One of my problems with the IMDB Bottom 100 list is that you need to meet a minimum number of ratings in order to qualify. For example, Diary of a Cannibal (the worst movie I've ever seen) has an IMDB rating of 1.4, lower than Disaster Movie, the movie in the #1 spot on the list with a score of 2.0. But Disaster Movie has almost 87 thousand ratings, while Cannibal has (as of writing) 746. There are so many movies worse than Disaster Movie but they don't have enough views to show up on official "worst" lists. All this is leading to the fact that The Amazing Bulk is an amazingly bad movie that hasn't made enough of a splash to make it on many lists. But trust me, it's BAD.

Battlefield Earth (2000)

Part of the "fun" of spending an entire month watching some of the worst movies ever made is seeing things that have been on my to-do list for years. Like, sure, I've seen Birdemic: Shock and Terror several times and The Room close to 30 times (fuck you, only God can judge me), but what about all those movies that I couldn't bring myself to inflict on my friends? So despite all the garbage I've watched in my life, Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 had slipped me by. But now's my chance to remedy this mistake! Lucky me!

The Polar Express (2004)

I want to start by saying that we have a lot to thank Robert Zemeckis for. He wrote and directed Back to the Future, its sequels, and directed the... Back to the Future Saturday morning cartoon? That has to be a typo. Anyway the man is a legend! Buuuuut... holy crap, his animated movies are unpleasant to look at. It also doesn't help that the story at the heart of The Polar Express is also pretty blah.

Christams Twister (2012)

I don't normally include screenshots with my reviews, but I needed you all to know that the typo in today's title isn't my mistake. This movie got its own title wrong in the opening credits! Are you fucking serious?! Don't believe me? It's currently on Tubi, so go see for yourselves! It's bad enough that Christmas Twister was renamed F6: Twister for the DVD release AND that it stars Mr. Casper Van Dien--a sure sign that it's bad--but they didn't even give the title a second look over? By writing up this post, I have put more effort into this movie than any of the creators. Fucking hell.

Fatman (2020)

My dear readers, when I heard that there was going to be a movie featuring Mr. Mel "Sugar Tits" Gibson as Santa Claus, I got excited. And Walton Goggins (the other, other villain of The Ant-Man and the Wasp) was going to be an assassin hired to kill him? And the person who hired him was a child pissed off that he got coal? Holy shit, this sounds amazing! An action comedy about trying to murder Santa! What could go wrong? Well, for starters, calling this movie a "comedy" would suggest that there are any jokes in it, of which there are none. And no joy, either. Humbug.

The New Mutants (2020)

Full disclosure, I was one of those people who believed that this movie was never going to be released. Originally slated to be released in April 2018, it was delayed four or five times because of things like the Fox/Disney merger and reshoots to change the entire tone. Like you do. In the end it released to an extremely limited theater run in August 2020, and was made widely available for [legal] streaming yesterday. As the last 20th Century Studios X-Men adjacent film--ending a 20 year franchise--was it worth the wait? Well...

Mr. Right (2015)

I want to get something out of the way before we begin: No, Ian, this is not a sequel to 1996's Mr. Wrong, a film where a still closeted Ms. Ellen DeGeneres has to fend off the stalker Bill Pullman. I see what you did there, but no. What this movie is instead is... weird. Like, at the time of writing I don't have a "quirky" tag for the blog, but after this I'm giving it some seriously consideration.