This may come as a shock to you, dear reader, but I'm a bit of a nerd. I know I come off as a total alpha chad, but I actually have a huge collection of roleplaying books, card games, board games, and just so much geek shit. I've been playing Dungeons & Dragons since I called my friends over, slammed the core three books on the table, and said that we're the kind of geeks who should be playing this game. As a longtime nerd, the various official D&D movies have been disappointing. The first was bad camp, the second was just bland, and the third has seemingly been scrubbed from everywhere. But not we have a big budget film with big name stars! Being a nerd is in! It's just a shame that throughout it all, I kept thinking about how D&D's parent company has been making some awful decisions lately that harm the brand.
heists
Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2005)
Whoops! This one's a little late, but here it is. Anyway, Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis is the fourth movie in the Return of the Living Dead franchise, filmed at the same time as the fifth film, Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave. And they're both certainly movies that exist! They're not good by any stretch of the imagination--none of these movies really are--but they're still marginally better than Return of the Living Dead: Part II. Now I'm imagining that faint praise on a movie poster...
Django (1966)
Did you know that there is going to be TV show based on the character Django? Ms. Noomi Rapace is the only name I recognize in it, but stars Matthias Schoenaerts, who was... uh... DJ Cosmonaut X in Elektra, as well as being in many other movies I haven't seen. But upon the announcement a cry went up in a small section internet: "How can you have a Django TV show if the character is white?" And I can totally see where they're coming from; Django Unchained is most likely how most people today know the character. But Django--specifically the white Django--predates Unchained by almost 50 years. It's very much a Nick Fury situation. Anyway, saddle up, buckos! We're diving into some old spaghetti westerns! Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!
What If…? – Season 1, Episode 2
Death is an inevitable part of life. We all ultimately die, and once you're dead there will be a collection of "the lasts" left behind: the last conversation you had with someone; the last meal you had; and for actors, the last project they worked on. In honor of the life of Mr. Stan Lee, comic writer and creator of too many characters to name here, Captain Marvel opened not with the normal Marvel logo, but a memorial montage of him. And then there's Chadwick Boseman, star of Black Panther who died one year ago of cancer. While Ma Rainey's Black Bottom might technically be the last project he worked on, What If...? is the last media he was in to be released, and this is the MCU's chance to memorialize him and the amazing work he did. Bit of a downer intro, huh? Well all that hangs over "What If T'Challa Became a Star-Lord?" making it a space heist comedy with a background aura of sadness.
Army of the Dead (2021)
I want to open this post by saying that this is probably my favorite Zack Snyder movie. I know I said that about Sucker Punch, and I still need to revisit 300 and Watchmen to see how I feel about them, but yeah, this is my new favorite of his. Army of the Dead is a zombie film apparently unrelated to Snyder's Dawn of the Dead remake, but it's a fun zombie heist flick to turn your brain off while watching. Unfortunately, my brain is stuck in the "on" position, so there are some things I want to talk about.
Ant-Man (2015)
The Marvel Cinematic Universe really tries to cover as many genres as it can, all while still sticking with a superhero aesthetic. For example, Captain America: The First Avenger is a war drama, Captain America: The Winter Soldier is a political thriller, and Guardians of the Galaxy is a space comedy. So really, it's not that big a surprise that Ant-Man would be a heist movie. And despite some behind the scenes shakeups, this is a comedy that has that that Mr. Edgar Wright humor all over it.
Chwineka Watches 