How can I devote a month to some of the worst movies ever and not talk about Birdemic: Shock and Terror? I actually own this film (but it's also available on Tubi because of course it is) and somehow managed to not get around to it during the first year of this blog. But that oversight has now been remedied! Birdemic is infamous for being up there with The Room in terms of completely inept filmmaking. It boldly asks the question, "What if The Birds was mixed with An Inconvenient Truth with the worst CG birds you've ever seen?" It is, for lack of a better word, art.
When I was compiling a list of potential movies for a month full of "the worst ever," there was only one movie that made me shudder every time I remembered it existed. Now, I use a lot of hyperbolic language on this blog, but I need you to understand something: I mean that literally. Every time I thought about Ms. Paris Hilton's The Hottie & the Nottie, I physically shuddered. Out of ALL the movies I gathered links to, this was the one I dreaded the most. But here we are, for better or worse.
I am a glutton for bad movies, and for better or worse my friends are well aware of this. So much so, in fact, that a dear friend needed me to check out this movie. Yes, needed. It seemed like your typical "Christmas romantic TV movie," but then I looked at the ratings. Wow! This is apparently one of the worst Christmas movies ever made? I ask because that's a bold claim. But does it live up to that...? I mean, it's no Red Christmas--where an aborted fetus all grown up named Cletus tries to kill his family--but this is very bad in a different, less overt way.
We're taking a short break from non-stop Christmas movies to review something special. This is a first on two fronts for this blog: the first review of a short film and the first review of a commercial. That's right, Lifetime and KFC partnered up to create A Recipe for Seduction, a living, breathing meme. And how could I not review it? It's just a few steps away from a televised Chuck Tingle adaptation, or a Super Bowl commercial actually making use of its budget. And it stars Mr. Mario Lopez as Harland Sanders? I'm delighted and intrigued!
Ah, Christmas... It's a magical time of year overflowing with romantic opportunities. Or at least that's how it is in Lifetime original movies where the only gift the female lead needs to buy is for her love interest, friends and family be damned. These movies generally follow a plot of "woman sad, woman meet man, woman kiss man in snow," but when a film breaks with that pattern, sometimes true magic happens. So let's talk about a Lifetime movie where a lady wants to fuck a Christmas ghost!
Does anyone else have trouble remembering the name of this movie? I keep thinking this is called something like Make the Yuletide Gay, but that's a 2009 movie about gay dudes. Happiest Season just slips out of my brain every time I look away, and hopefully I'll remember it better after writing this post. Oh, right, it's December so I'm gonna review a bunch of Christmas movies, and we're starting with a good and gay one.
One potentially bad habit of mine when writing these posts is referencing a different movie. A lot of the time it's a film I've already talked about, but there are also a bunch of times where it's something I haven't made a post for. I keep all the references on a list and it currently sits at 272 movies and TV shows. Holy fuck! So let's work through that backlog, but in a random way! I'm going to roll the digital equivalent of a 272-sided die and that's going to be what we're talking about today. As of writing this sentence, I don't even know what it'll be! So let's roll and... #149! The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp, as mentioned in the Viktor und Viktoria post! So let's talk about this nearly 3 hour movie in the Criteron Collection.
Social distancing has kept my friends at arm's length (and you should be social distancing as well so we can be done with this virus bullshit AND ACTUALLY SEE OUR FRIENDS AGAIN!), but through the power of the internet I've been able to watch some movies with the gang. One of such movie was L'Inconnu … Continue reading Stranger by the Lake (2013)
There are two wolves inside of me: The first wolf tells me that if I were to talk about more mainstream and/or recognizable movies, viewer count and interest in in this blog would improve. The other wolf says, "Hey, wasn't it weird that the female lead in Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror was in basically nothing? Well turns out her film debut was in a thing called Big Man on Campus where a hunchback goes to college. That sounds weird!" I think by this point we know which wolf I feed, even to my detriment.
I want to get something out of the way before we begin: No, Ian, this is not a sequel to 1996's Mr. Wrong, a film where a still closeted Ms. Ellen DeGeneres has to fend off the stalker Bill Pullman. I see what you did there, but no. What this movie is instead is... weird. Like, at the time of writing I don't have a "quirky" tag for the blog, but after this I'm giving it some seriously consideration.