Beginners (2010)

It's that time again! The list of movies I've mentioned--but haven't reviewed on the blog--is getting larger and larger, and I feel this equally large sense of shame at not chipping away at it. So let's roll the digital equivalent of a 312-sided die and see what we get! And today's movie is... nope, I said no more superhero movies this month, so let's reroll. Trying again... we get Beginners? A vaguely queer, indie romantic "comedy" starring Mr. Christopher Plummer and Ewan McGregor? How the fuck did that get on the list again? Ah, right, I watched The Conspiracy of Fear in honor of Mr. Plummer's death and mentioned that this was one of his more recognizable films. Okay, sure, I guess we're doing this!

Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)

Ant-Man was the epilogue to Marvel Cinematic Universe's Phase Two, and Spider-Man: Far From Home is the epilogue to its Phase Three. But while Ant-Man didn't really have much to do with the previous film, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Far From Home is a direct continuation of Avengers: Endgame. Tony Stark is dead. Long live the... new Tony Stark? Heavy is the head that wears the crown, and it's got to be especially heavy for a 16-year-old kid from Queens. Enough purple prose, let's wrap up MCU March!

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

With Captain America: The First Avenger, all 6 of the main Avengers have been introduced. Iron Man was introduced in Iron Man, Hulk in The Incredible Hulk, Black Widow in Iron Man 2, and both Thor and Hawkeye in Thor. All that's missing is the star-spangled man with a plan, leading us to this flashback movie. Welcome back to MCU March! Let's talk about the last movie leading up to The Avengers.

Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)

How can I devote a month to some of the worst movies ever and not talk about Birdemic: Shock and Terror? I actually own this film (but it's also available on Tubi because of course it is) and somehow managed to not get around to it during the first year of this blog. But that oversight has now been remedied! Birdemic is infamous for being up there with The Room in terms of completely inept filmmaking. It boldly asks the question, "What if The Birds was mixed with An Inconvenient Truth with the worst CG birds you've ever seen?" It is, for lack of a better word, art.

The Hottie & the Nottie (2008)

When I was compiling a list of potential movies for a month full of "the worst ever," there was only one movie that made me shudder every time I remembered it existed. Now, I use a lot of hyperbolic language on this blog, but I need you to understand something: I mean that literally. Every time I thought about Ms. Paris Hilton's The Hottie & the Nottie, I physically shuddered. Out of ALL the movies I gathered links to, this was the one I dreaded the most. But here we are, for better or worse.

Christmas Wedding Planner (2017)

I am a glutton for bad movies, and for better or worse my friends are well aware of this. So much so, in fact, that a dear friend needed me to check out this movie. Yes, needed. It seemed like your typical "Christmas romantic TV movie," but then I looked at the ratings. Wow! This is apparently one of the worst Christmas movies ever made? I ask because that's a bold claim. But does it live up to that...? I mean, it's no Red Christmas--where an aborted fetus all grown up named Cletus tries to kill his family--but this is very bad in a different, less overt way.

A Recipe for Seduction (2020)

We're taking a short break from non-stop Christmas movies to review something special. This is a first on two fronts for this blog: the first review of a short film and the first review of a commercial. That's right, Lifetime and KFC partnered up to create A Recipe for Seduction, a living, breathing meme. And how could I not review it? It's just a few steps away from a televised Chuck Tingle adaptation, or a Super Bowl commercial actually making use of its budget. And it stars Mr. Mario Lopez as Harland Sanders? I'm delighted and intrigued!

The Spirit of Christmas (2015)

Ah, Christmas... It's a magical time of year overflowing with romantic opportunities. Or at least that's how it is in Lifetime original movies where the only gift the female lead needs to buy is for her love interest, friends and family be damned. These movies generally follow a plot of "woman sad, woman meet man, woman kiss man in snow," but when a film breaks with that pattern, sometimes true magic happens. So let's talk about a Lifetime movie where a lady wants to fuck a Christmas ghost!

Happiest Season (2020)

Does anyone else have trouble remembering the name of this movie? I keep thinking this is called something like Make the Yuletide Gay, but that's a 2009 movie about gay dudes. Happiest Season just slips out of my brain every time I look away, and hopefully I'll remember it better after writing this post. Oh, right, it's December so I'm gonna review a bunch of Christmas movies, and we're starting with a good and gay one.

The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp (1943)

One potentially bad habit of mine when writing these posts is referencing a different movie. A lot of the time it's a film I've already talked about, but there are also a bunch of times where it's something I haven't made a post for. I keep all the references on a list and it currently sits at 272 movies and TV shows. Holy fuck! So let's work through that backlog, but in a random way! I'm going to roll the digital equivalent of a 272-sided die and that's going to be what we're talking about today. As of writing this sentence, I don't even know what it'll be! So let's roll and... #149! The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp, as mentioned in the Viktor und Viktoria post! So let's talk about this nearly 3 hour movie in the Criteron Collection.