I've wanted to get a tattoo for ages now--don't worry, this will eventually tie in. My main problem is that I haven't come up with an idea worth the time and money to get it permanently put on my body. They say you should sit on a tattoo idea for a while before pulling the trigger, and the only ideas I've held onto that long are comic references. Like, Lantern Corps symbols from Green Lantern, or something X-Men related. Hell, Cyclops' visor could be cool. But I can't bring myself to get a tattoo of a property I have absolutely no say over how the story goes, in part because you never know when your favorite character might become a monster. Like, imagine getting a Daenerys Targaryen tattoo--or naming your daughter after her--and then seeing how her story ends in Game of Thrones. And on that note...
At the beginning of December, I was finishing up a week of The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari movies so I said that December wouldn't be just Christmas/winter holiday movies. That was also said because I want to talk about Spider-Man: No Way Home when I see it as well, but then... death happened. Ms. Anne Rice, author of The Vampire Chronicles, died this past Saturday at the age of 80. Interview with the Vampire has always been on my list of films to talk about on the blog, so now seemed as good a time as any, as a sort of memorial.
It was only a matter of time before things got gay up in here. Last year during December I watched Happiest Season, the queer romcom about Ms. Kristen Stewart not falling for the seductive charms of Aubrey Plaza. And it was cute! Sure, two out of the three main lesbians involved in the love triangle were played by straight actors (as far as I can tell), but that's just the sad reality of movies. I mean, can you imagine a gay Christmas movie where all three in the love triangle are gay? Well I can, because that's Single All the Way. I mean, you had to see that coming.
I've changed my mind a bunch of times about what should be the last weekday horror movie in October that's not a part of the Hellbound Halloween. Lot of caveats there, I know. I eventually decided it would be one of the movies I was going to watch for this week's Movie Night. And the selections were... very different. The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror is a bad movie and I have a lot to say about it, but that's going to have to wait until November cause I want to talk about something actually good before the month is over. And foreign! I really need to watch more non-English movies!
Whoa! We're halfway there! The Hellbound Halloween continues with the fifth movie in the Hellraiser franchise, Hellraiser: Inferno. This is the first film in the series not to be released in theaters, and also the first where it's really, really obvious that this was originally an unrelated script before the cenobites were tacked on. As a result the execution is... polarizing. It's a very strange movie, but I think I can safely say it's the best Silent Hill film yet!
Happy Halloween... month! It's October, which basically means it's already Halloween. It also means it's time to whip out my annual "review a horror movie each weekday while also covering a big horror franchise" event! This is a spiritual successor to “Chwineka Watches 31 Netflix Horror Movies for October” (or CW31NHMO for short), so don't expect a concise name for the idea as a whole from me. Anywho, the second annual event is The Hellbound Halloween, where I cover all 10 currently released Hellraiser movies and a few more morsels from Mr. Clive Barker. So let's dive into what's probably the horniest big horror franchise out there!
Did you know that there is going to be TV show based on the character Django? Ms. Noomi Rapace is the only name I recognize in it, but stars Matthias Schoenaerts, who was... uh... DJ Cosmonaut X in Elektra, as well as being in many other movies I haven't seen. But upon the announcement a cry went up in a small section internet: "How can you have a Django TV show if the character is white?" And I can totally see where they're coming from; Django Unchained is most likely how most people today know the character. But Django--specifically the white Django--predates Unchained by almost 50 years. It's very much a Nick Fury situation. Anyway, saddle up, buckos! We're diving into some old spaghetti westerns! Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!
Look, I don't want to pat myself on the back too much. This blog already is a bit of an ego trip, but I'm just a normal guy. I put my pants on one trite quote at a time. However, after hearing that the twist in Malignant was supposed to be completely surprising, I figured it out in something like 20 minutes. What, like it's hard?
There's a list of movies that I was excited to see before COVID hit and everything fell to shit, and The Green Knight was one such film. I can't say that I'm a huge Arthurian legend nerd--I know the stuff covered on the animated Gargoyles series and that Sir Lancelot, the best knight ever who also fucks the king's wife, was created by the French--but it's been a passing interest. But add in a spooky atmosphere and I got hooked just by the trailer. And after what feels like years of waiting, it's finally here, ready for me to watch on a Tuesday afternoon in a nearly empty theater. Progress towards life getting back on track!
I did it! I actually took the time to reread The Fear Street Saga books! And it's a good thing I did, because the parallels between that trilogy of books and this trilogy of movies are... uh... Okay, so there's next to no connection and I can't get too excited about reading a novella written for teenagers, but still. Back to the topic on hand, Fear Street: 1666 ties all the threads from Fear Street: 1994 and Fear Street: 1978 together, revealing the truth behind all the bad things that happen in Shadyside. And I'm going to talk around that as this is a mostly spoiler free review. Yup, being super inconsistent about that with this trilogy.