Tag: horror
“What’s your favorite scary movie?”
-Scream (1996)
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Joker’s Poltergeist (2016)
I just don’t understand Joker’s Poltergeist, AKA Joker’s Wild. Arguments could be made for it being pro-gun, anti-gun, and also some weak ass middle ground just “trying to start a discussion.” I’m afraid the answer may be the third option, which makes the movie being obviously inspired by the 2012 Aurora, Colorado theater shooting incredibly distasteful. Like, the main character’s name is Aurora and she survives a shooting in a theater done by people in clown masks. Fuckin’ yikes.
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Blood Freak (2020)
I have no one to blame but myself. Not only did I willingly invited suffering into my life, but I sought it out. And all it cost me was a piece of my soul. And $13. Free shipping, though!
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Under ConTroll (2019)
There are two types of bad movies–okay, there are way more than that, but just go with me on this. The two types are movies made sincerely, and those that are not. The Room is a masterpiece of bad cinema because Mr. Tommy Wiseau really, truly thought he was making art. But all the Scary Movie films and their spin-offs were made to be intentionally bad, and they end up being bad in a different, less enjoyable way. So which is Under ConTroll, the German sequel to Troll 2? Well there’s nothing sincere about this movie, so that’s telling.
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Troll 2 (1990)
Can you believe I’d never seen Troll 2 before? I know, it’s kind of shocking. I’m a connoisseur of crappy movies, so somehow avoiding one of the most infamous ones is a little impressive. But Tubi is there for me with just the best selection of awful movies, so I felt it was finally time to fix this cosmic mistake. And everyone was right! This is a really bad movie!
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Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
I’ve wanted to get a tattoo for ages now–don’t worry, this will eventually tie in. My main problem is that I haven’t come up with an idea worth the time and money to get it permanently put on my body. They say you should sit on a tattoo idea for a while before pulling the trigger, and the only ideas I’ve held onto that long are comic references. Like, Lantern Corps symbols from Green Lantern, or something X-Men related. Hell, Cyclops’ visor could be cool. But I can’t bring myself to get a tattoo of a property I have absolutely…
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Morbius (2022)
I’d say it feels good to be back, but really it’s just good to have an outlet for all the dumb shit I want to say. Morbius is a perfect target, because it’s a buckwild film. I get what they were trying to do, but… the movie’s a mess from top to bottom. For the last 20 years, there’s apparently been some intern at Sony who really, really wants to make a Sinister Six movie and people keep letting him throw in story seeds, but apparently no one has the heart to tell him they all suck.
Chwineka Watches 