Sometimes it's hard to put into words why a movie didn't resonate with me. Using a recent example, Antlers was a perfectly fine movie with a pretty basic ending, but it just didn't live up to my expectations. And that's the case with Broadcast Signal Intrusion. The creepy atmosphere is on point, but the ambiguous ending just didn't land. And I'm usually a huge fan of ambiguous endings! So let's analyze what I think didn't work.
mystery
“I suspect foul play. I have eliminated no suspects.”
-Knives Out (2019)
Old (2021)
Saying you're not a fan of Mr. M Night Shyamalan's later work is a pretty basic opinion these days. No one enjoyed The Last Airbender; and while The Happening is generally pointed to as his worst film, I will go to my grave saying Lady in the Water is objectively worse. So I did not have high hopes for Old when I first heard about it. And now that I've seen it, I can say that it's another disappointment from a man who had so much potential. What a twist.
Butt Boy (2019)
So, uh... hey. How you doin'? Well, I'm doing just fine! Sorry there hasn't been a post on this blog since... October? Holy hell. I burned out real hard, got super stressed at work, and now I'm in the process of moving! So sadly there hasn't been that much time or energy to keep this blog up to date. I'm hoping once the move is done things will change, but I make no promises. All I can say now is that every so often a movie will stun me in such a way that I'll have no choice but to brush the dust off this site and talk about it. And so it is with Butt Boy, a movie about a man who puts anything and anyone up his own ass.
A Karate Christmas Miracle (2019)
Man, I have been watching some absolute garbage movies lately. Under ConTroll tried way too hard for such a lackluster "sequel," the Blood Freak remake was cheap on every level, and Joker's Poltergeist took the real life tragedy of the Aurora theater shooting and turned it into a lame horror movie. In fact, A Karate Christmas Miracle is from the same wrier as Joker's Poltergeist and reused footage from that horror flick. While I knew this would be yet another bad film, I at least assumed it'd be more coherent than Poltergeist. Oh, how wrong I was.
Joker’s Poltergeist (2016)
I just don't understand Joker's Poltergeist, AKA Joker's Wild. Arguments could be made for it being pro-gun, anti-gun, and also some weak ass middle ground just "trying to start a discussion." I'm afraid the answer may be the third option, which makes the movie being obviously inspired by the 2012 Aurora, Colorado theater shooting incredibly distasteful. Like, the main character's name is Aurora and she survives a shooting in a theater done by people in clown masks. Fuckin' yikes.
Scream 4 (2011)
I guess it makes sense that Scream--the unoriginally titled fifth movie in the Scream franchise--came out a little over a decade after Scream 4, since Scream 4 came out a decade after Scream 3. It's the franchise that just can't stay dead and refuses to let Sidney Prescott live a happy life. No, it's a neverending parade of misery, as people around her are deranged enough that murdering people for clout seems like a good idea. I mean, it makes for a fun watch, but it's a bit depressing when you think about it too hard.
Scream 3 (2000)
I know phrases like "this was the most X entry in the franchise yet!" get tiring after a while, but by this point I've seen all four Scream movies and can fairly safely say that Scream 3 is the most meta yet. For those who don't know, "meta" is not just Facebook's rebranding, but short for "metafiction," or the idea that a piece of fiction reminds the audience that it is indeed fiction. The Scream franchise has always been a look at the horror genre as a whole, but now the focus goes to examining unnecessary sequels. It's slightly more subtle than The Matrix Resurrections, for reference, but I'll get to that another day.
Scream 2 (1997)
Man, it sure sucks to be Sidney Prescott. If it wasn't bad enough that her boyfriend tried to kill her--spoilers for the first Scream, I guess, even though I have no idea why you would read this post if you didn't know the events of the first film--but her life continues to be a nightmare over the next several sequels. The girl just can't catch a break! And so we continue the franchise with Scream 2, a sequel with some parts much better than the original, but overall just not as up to snuff. It was fine, is what I'm saying.
Scream (1996)
Good heavens, would you look at the time! Why, it's time for a franchise! And how very topical, since Scream--which is what we're calling the fifth movie because sure, why not--is coming out this month and I'm... um... hm. Okay, so the original plan for January was to watch movies by Mr. Ulli Lommel, who I fucking hate because he made some of the worst garbage I've ever seen. Then I found out that Scream was coming out on the 14th, so I canceled those plans and pivoted to the Scream franchise with the intent of wrapping it all up with the new movie. And then the Omicron variant hit and I can't shake a stick without hitting someone who's caught COVID in the past two weeks. In person hangouts are being trashed and the thought of going to a theater is just... it's too risky. But I'd already watched the first two films in anticipation of this, so here we are. 2021 is off to a great start.
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (2005)
Now wait, you might be saying to yourself. Didn't he already cover this? Well, yes and no. Yes, I started this week with a post on the 1920 silent film The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. But no, today's post is on the 2005 remake that I can't absolutely confirm is a shot-for-shot remake, but it's the exact same movie. Except the characters now talk. A lot. And it's not good.
Chwineka Watches 