Joker’s Poltergeist (2016)

I just don't understand Joker's Poltergeist, AKA Joker's Wild. Arguments could be made for it being pro-gun, anti-gun, and also some weak ass middle ground just "trying to start a discussion." I'm afraid the answer may be the third option, which makes the movie being obviously inspired by the 2012 Aurora, Colorado theater shooting incredibly distasteful. Like, the main character's name is Aurora and she survives a shooting in a theater done by people in clown masks. Fuckin' yikes.

Bahum Bug (2019)

I had a plan for January 2022. It wasn't good, but there was one. The idea was to watch as many movies by Mr. Ulli Lommel--a man I regard as the worst filmmaker I've ever seen, as I touched upon in Diary of a Cannibal--until my soul couldn't take any more or the month ended, whichever happened first. But that's being postponed for something else. Why bring this up? I was going to end December on some absolute garbage movies to get myself in the right headspace for the following month. For better or worse, that's the part of the plan that stuck. So let's talk about Bahum Bug, which is as ugly as it is bad.

Ghosting: The Spirit of Christmas (2019)

The first time I heard the premise of Ghosting: The Spirit of Christmas, I though it was hilariously fucked up. Now, when most people hear the word "ghosting," they think of ditching someone without saying a word. And yes, that is a plot element here: a girl goes on a date with a guy and then ghosts him. The catch is THAT SHE FUCKING DIED. SHE GHOSTED HIM BECAUSE SHE DIED AND IS NOW A GHOST. That's macabre! And hilarious! And it's a Christmas movie? Sign my morbid ass up!

A Christmas Carol (1997)

Holy shit, there are like a thousand adaptations of Mr. Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Who knows, maybe next year for December I'll spend the entire month only covering different versions of the classic tale... But until that possible future, I feel like I should touch upon at least one adaptation each December. Last year was the beloved The Muppet Christmas Carol, but this year I somehow found myself watching the 1997 A Christmas Carol direct-to-VHS, Saturday morning cartoon-esque, animated version that was... not good. I'd say an attempt was made, but I'm not convinced of that.

House (1977)

As I said in the Eraserhead post, I watched a double feature of films made in 1977 by first-time directors that were surreal as all hell and part of the Criterion Collection. How very specific, but that applies to Eraserhead just as much as Hausu, AKA House. Director Mr. Nobuhiko Obayashi had previously worked on commercials, and that comes across in how bizarre and at times episodic the film feels.

Boo! (2018)

Did I not actually watch any movies over October that took place on Halloween? Is this really the first movie to have the "Halloween" tag? Huh. Anyway, my Movie Night group tends to watch horror movies, so it was inevitable that I'd watch a Halloween movie outside of October. I guess next year I'll try to add a few more seasonally themed horror movies to my list; but enough about plans 11 months out. Let's talk about Boo!, a lackluster horror flick. Happy belated Halloween!

Don’t Listen (2020)

I've changed my mind a bunch of times about what should be the last weekday horror movie in October that's not a part of the Hellbound Halloween. Lot of caveats there, I know. I eventually decided it would be one of the movies I was going to watch for this week's Movie Night. And the selections were... very different. The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror is a bad movie and I have a lot to say about it, but that's going to have to wait until November cause I want to talk about something actually good before the month is over. And foreign! I really need to watch more non-English movies!

Book of Blood (2009)

Not every movie in this interlude near the middle of the Hellbound Halloween is going to have ties to Hellraiser. The previous two films--Nightbreed and Lord of Illusions--are connected through comics and novels, but that still counts (sort of). Book of Blood, however, is just a ghost story. It does have ties to other films, but no obvious connection to Pinhead and his ilk. They can't all fit the theme perfectly.

Paranormal Sexperiments (2016)

I fully know that I have no one to blame for this but me. I went down a weird rabbit hole on Tubi and found a horror porno called Haunted Hellcats, but IMDB had never heard of it. It had heard of Paranormal Sexperiments with the same cast and crew, as did Amazon dot com. But both the Amazon and Tubi versions were too short to be the full movie, and a couple minutes into the Tubi version--like hell am I going to give Amazon any of my money over porn for straight men--it was clear that it was heavily censored. So much like The Mummy's Kiss before it, I had to turn to porn sites to find the full movie. Was it worth it? No. No! Absolutely not! Why would you even ask that?!

Beethoven’s 5th (2003)

In a sane world, this would be the last Beethoven movie. Sure, in a saner world there would would only have been the original movie and none of these sequels, but either way that's not the world we live in. No, when both The Land Before Time and Air Bud franchises have 14 movies each, we clearly live under the oppressive boot of capitalism, taking your nostalgia and trying to wring as much profit out of it as it can. So here we are with Beethoven's 5th, the film that feels like a Scooby-Doo episode. Maybe that's why I didn't completely hate it?