You ever see a movie and just assume it's not going to be good? Smile is all about creepy smiles! Oooh, I'm shaking in my boots... Plus, they showed what is most likely the best jumpscare in the trailer--if you know, you know--so what else is there? But I heard reviews were rather positive for this film. Was it actually worth watching? Or did it make me hate myself like that awful, awful movie Smiley? Writers call that a hook!
demons
Hellraiser (2022)
Last year for October I watched all the Hellraiser films as part of The Hellbound Halloween. That's 10 movies about Pinhead and his fellow cenobites, with a brief break near the end because holy shit they somehow got progressively worse as time went on. So when I heard that the long-awaited Hellraiser reboot was dropping in October, I knew I had to talk about it. And so here we are on a Saturday while the weekdays are taken up by October of the Living Dead.
Devour (2005)
Even with Movie Night taking a hiatus and then back with a relaxed schedule for a while, I still watch a lot of movies in a year. I don't mean that so much as a brag, but as a defense in this case. Devour is a psychological horror film starring Mr. Jensen "Dean Winchester" Ackles, and its poster caught my eye enough that I put it on for Movie Night. Simple enough, right? Well, turns out we had watched it back in 2018 and none of us remembered a single detail about it. Not the best look!
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
I've wanted to get a tattoo for ages now--don't worry, this will eventually tie in. My main problem is that I haven't come up with an idea worth the time and money to get it permanently put on my body. They say you should sit on a tattoo idea for a while before pulling the trigger, and the only ideas I've held onto that long are comic references. Like, Lantern Corps symbols from Green Lantern, or something X-Men related. Hell, Cyclops' visor could be cool. But I can't bring myself to get a tattoo of a property I have absolutely no say over how the story goes, in part because you never know when your favorite character might become a monster. Like, imagine getting a Daenerys Targaryen tattoo--or naming your daughter after her--and then seeing how her story ends in Game of Thrones. And on that note...
Fire City: End of Days (2015)
I honestly don't remember how Fire City: End of Days came up on my radar. The director's done stuff, but nothing that would make him stand out as a director. The writers have done little else. And none of the actors are really big names or in really big things. But I was still drawn to the film, mostly because it looked like it had some cool looking monsters. And it did! But basically nothing else worth watching.
Hellraiser: Judgment (2018)
All things must come to an end, and both the Hellbound Halloween event and the Hellraiser franchise count as part of "all things." I've covered 9 movies about Hell and Pinhead (with a brief interlude of other stories by Mr. Clive Barker), and Hellraiser: Judgment is the last. It's a bit of an over-exaggeration to say that the quality of the franchise decreased with every sequel, but the last half is more bad than good. Gary J Tunnicliffe--who also directed Hellraiser: Revelations--wanted to make a really good entry, and he ended up with two of the worst. Kind of like how Simon Kinberg wrote both X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men: Dark Phoenix! Nerd burn!
Hellraiser: Revelations (2011)
Film rights are a can of worms. They are the reason the Marvel Cinematic Universe was created without mutants, despite the Avengers and X-Men both being owned by Marvel. It's also partially why Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch are no longer Magneto's children (as of time of writing, the Trial of Magneto may have a weird ending). Whenever you hear about film rights, it's typically never a good sign. That's the case with Hellraiser: Revelations, a rushed entry in the Hellraiser franchise made so Dimension could keep the film rights. The Hellbound Halloween has hit its lowest point. This is why I took a break from this franchise for a week.
Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005)
Hellraiser: Hellworld is a real turning point in the Hellraiser franchise. Not only is it a bad movie in itself that was filmed back-to-back with Hellraiser: Deader, but it's also the last time that the incomparable Mr. Doug Bradley would play Pinhead. What a completely lackluster ending to such an iconic performance! It's actually a little sad, and exhausting in a way I can't really describe. I'm sure I'll figure out my feelings by the time we reach the end of this installment of the Hellbound Halloween.
Hellraiser: Deader (2005)
There's something about franchises--particularly big horror franchises--where it sure seems like each one has a film that just refuses to stick in my head. I wrote about Children of the Corn: The Gathering just last year, but even then I still only remember the barest of details without looking at the post. Something about a fever...? In that same vein, was it Leprechaun 2 or Leprechaun 3 where he was at a pawn shop? And A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master is just a total blank to me. The point being I've seen all 10 Hellraiser films before, but had no memory of what the hell Hellraiser: Deader was about. But now I've rewatched it and can safely say that I'll most likely forget every detail of this boring movie--again--by next month, if not next week.
Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)
I don't want to come off as some sort of movie snob or purist. There are many different ways to tell a story, and sticking to a rigid structure is not always the best course of action. Case in point, Hellraiser: Inferno was a detective mystery that had some Hellish aspects, and I think it worked. But I guess Miramax thought they could try the same formula and create another interesting movie out of a script previously unrelated to the franchise. But no. Hellraiser: Hellseeker sucks and I hate it. Welcome back to the Hellbound Halloween. We're officially in the bad half of the franchise.
Chwineka Watches 