Cube²: Hypercube (2002)

Don’t you love it when a sequel comes out and has practically no cast or crew in common with the original? I don’t! That’s how we get shit like American Psycho II: All American Girl, where a small child kills Patrick Bateman at the very beginning and the rest of the movie is Ms. Mila Kunis killing anyone in the way of her becoming Mr. William Shatner’s teaching assistant! Weird non-sequitur, right? We’ll come back to that…

Batman Forever (1995)

So last review I complained about a rich capitalist ruining everything and being the true villain. I went hard on that because it's absolutely true and I should say it, but also because I was preparing myself for this movie, one where the studio executives were annoyed that Batman Returns didn't make as much money as they had hoped, and that merchandising was problematic with the Penguin being, you know, a mutant who drools black-green sludge. So here's something completely different: Batman Forever.

Blood Freak (1972)

Many years ago, when I was a child-shaped entity, my father had a big book of movie reviews. Pretty sure it was VideoHound’s Golden Movie Retriever, or whatever it might have been called back then. Anyway, the book rated movies on a 0 to 4 scale with “bones” instead of “stars” and a noticeable “Woof!” for movies that got a 0. Being weird, I had looked up all the movies that started with the word “Blood,” and this woof of a review stood out. After reading the summary, I made it my goal in life to see this awful film. Which brings us to now.