When I first saw the trailer for Joe Bell, I thought to myself, "What kind of hetero nonsense is this?" It told too much of the story: a young gay man kills himself, and his father feels really bad about it. I joked that the real title should be A is for Ally and just assumed that it would be a movie that would make my eyes roll. But oh, dear reader, I was wrong. This movie pissed me the FUCK off.
Man, after being disappointed that Fear Street: 1994 wasn't 10 out of 10 amazing, it's nice to find something like PG: Psycho Goreman, which is absolutely my jam in just about every way possible. Horror? You've got a demonic alien trying to destroy the universe. Black comedy? It's not going to make sense here, but that was the weightiest "You're welcome," in the history of cinema, and it was hilarious. Over the top gore? To an unrealistic degree which wraps back around to enjoyable! Some of the wettest puppets imaginable? Not my particular fetish, but I know this hit the spot for some people.
It's Pride Month, and you know what that means! It's time for corporations to slap rainbows on their logos and pat themselves on the back so hard that they'll strain something! And this applies to streaming services, too! Netflix has an LGBTQ section, although it's there year-round and isn't being advertised on the main site as of writing. Tubi actually does have their LGBTQIA+ Pride movies on the front page, but after you click the Load More button (and it's also a year-round thing). And Disney+ has... several TV shows that feature one (1) gay side character, a couple shorts with some gay themes, and a few documentaries. At least it's on the main page, though! That almost makes up for things like their consistent lack of queer representation, their ability to easily remove any overt queerness they do add in order to appease homophobic countries (and their money), and stuff like a gay man suing the company for discrimination due to his sexual orientation. Yay Pride!
You know what I did recently? I had a friend over to my place... and neither of us wore our masks! Scandalous, I know. He was one of the Movie Night guys, and the fact that we haven't had one of those in over a year is really getting to us. It was a thing we did every week for over a decade! But it was nice to have someone over watching a horror movie with me, even if we were as far apart as possible while not sitting on the floor. Anyway, we watched The Empty Man on his recommendation, and it was a fun experience all around.
The letter Q vexes me. Not only is it associated with one of the most batshit political conspiracies AND is a nightmare in Scrabble--seriously, how hard would it be replace the tile with "Qu" and save everyone the hassle--but in the entire first year of this blog I never got around to reviewing a movie that started with Q. But I'm here today to solve two of these problems! The first is that "QI" is a recognized word in the official Scrabble dictionary with the definition, "The vital force that in Chinese thought is inherent in all things," in case your relatives call bullshit. The second is Queen: The Awakening, an low budget vampire movie that IMDB doesn't recognize as existing. But it's on Tubi and Letterboxd, so it counts!
One of the downsides of doing an event or theme month is that anything that doesn't fit in gets pushed back. I saw Promising Young Woman near the middle of January but it absolutely didn't match that month's "worst ever" theme. Plus, I had already cheesed it by finding a negative review for the good movie Possessor, so doing that twice felt too much like cheating. So here we are in February, talking about a movie that came out in December. Ever so topical.
Sure, I could spend all of January pulling movies straight from the IMDB Bottom 100 and call it a day. Month. Whatever. But things like "bad" and "worst ever" are incredibly subjective. What you think is awful could be another person's favorite movie. As an example, Diary of a Cannibal--the worst movie I have ever seen and no I will never shut up about that--has reviews on IMDB giving it an 8 and a 10. Are these people deranged? Probably, but you get the idea. So while Possessor has been on several "best of 2020" lists, one anonymous person on Letterboxd said, and I quote, "One of the worst movies we have ever seen." Flimsy justification on my part to watch a good movie during this month, but someone said it was the worst! So here we are!
We're taking a short break from non-stop Christmas movies to review something special. This is a first on two fronts for this blog: the first review of a short film and the first review of a commercial. That's right, Lifetime and KFC partnered up to create A Recipe for Seduction, a living, breathing meme. And how could I not review it? It's just a few steps away from a televised Chuck Tingle adaptation, or a Super Bowl commercial actually making use of its budget. And it stars Mr. Mario Lopez as Harland Sanders? I'm delighted and intrigued!
Full disclosure, I recently kind of forgot that Netflix existed. It's one of my browser shortcuts, for fuck's sake! I've been so focused on the amazing garbage Tubi is constantly offering that new releases people would actually have heard of were slipping me by. Case in point, did you know that Mrs. Dolly Parton had Netflix-original Christmas musical that came out at the end of November? Because I didn't! But I do now, so here we go!
My dear readers, when I heard that there was going to be a movie featuring Mr. Mel "Sugar Tits" Gibson as Santa Claus, I got excited. And Walton Goggins (the other, other villain of The Ant-Man and the Wasp) was going to be an assassin hired to kill him? And the person who hired him was a child pissed off that he got coal? Holy shit, this sounds amazing! An action comedy about trying to murder Santa! What could go wrong? Well, for starters, calling this movie a "comedy" would suggest that there are any jokes in it, of which there are none. And no joy, either. Humbug.