Mr. Ken del Vecchio is a bad man. His politics sucks, his writing sucks, his acting sucks, and the fact that he forces his kid into his movies sucks. Joker's Poltergeist was in very poor taste, A Karate Christmas Miracle, was baffling, and A Wrestling Christmas Miracle was so, so boring. The others may be worse to some people, but this was the bottom of the barrel for me.
christmas
A Karate Christmas Miracle (2019)
Man, I have been watching some absolute garbage movies lately. Under ConTroll tried way too hard for such a lackluster "sequel," the Blood Freak remake was cheap on every level, and Joker's Poltergeist took the real life tragedy of the Aurora theater shooting and turned it into a lame horror movie. In fact, A Karate Christmas Miracle is from the same wrier as Joker's Poltergeist and reused footage from that horror flick. While I knew this would be yet another bad film, I at least assumed it'd be more coherent than Poltergeist. Oh, how wrong I was.
Bahum Bug 2 (2020)
I think it's safe to say that I didn't like Bahum Bug. I thought it was lazy, bad, boring, and looked cheap. Also the ending had Bahum Bug repent his evil ways, so what was left for a sequel? I expected some shenanigans like his cousin comes and causes trouble, but oh no. No no no. Bahum Bug 2 decided to be lazier. And worse. Even more boring, and somehow cheaper.
Bahum Bug (2019)
I had a plan for January 2022. It wasn't good, but there was one. The idea was to watch as many movies by Mr. Ulli Lommel--a man I regard as the worst filmmaker I've ever seen, as I touched upon in Diary of a Cannibal--until my soul couldn't take any more or the month ended, whichever happened first. But that's being postponed for something else. Why bring this up? I was going to end December on some absolute garbage movies to get myself in the right headspace for the following month. For better or worse, that's the part of the plan that stuck. So let's talk about Bahum Bug, which is as ugly as it is bad.
Make the Yuletide Gay (2009)
Oh, you thought you I was done with Christmas movies just because the 25th had come and gone? Nope! This month had several interruptions to the theme, so I'm making up for it by finishing the week off with a few more holiday films. And hopefully some good ones since January's theme is... it's going to be bad. I honestly don't know if I can keep it up through all of that month.
Hawkeye – Season 1, Episode 6
The last episode of Hawkeye ended on a shocking cliffhanger, or at least shocking for people who are bad at predicting plot twists. Now that we've reached the final episode, the question becomes: will everything get wrapped up? And the answer is... mostly? I have few complaints. An extra 15 minutes certainly didn't hurt.
Red Christmas (2016)
I had the option to watch something good for today's post. Friends have recommended Make the Yuletide Gay to me for a while now, but for whatever reason I just wasn't feeling it at the moment. No, I was in the mood for something absolutely awful. Just some utter dogshit. But because it's December--Christmas Eve today, in fact--it has to be festive. Well good thing there's Red Christmas, a movie about an aborted fetus that survived and seeks revenge on his mother (Mrs. Dee Wallace). No, this isn't the only "survived being aborted" movie, and yes, I'll get to Hanger someday. But today we talk about Cletus the fetus in this movie that's barely about Christmas.
Ghosting: The Spirit of Christmas (2019)
The first time I heard the premise of Ghosting: The Spirit of Christmas, I though it was hilariously fucked up. Now, when most people hear the word "ghosting," they think of ditching someone without saying a word. And yes, that is a plot element here: a girl goes on a date with a guy and then ghosts him. The catch is THAT SHE FUCKING DIED. SHE GHOSTED HIM BECAUSE SHE DIED AND IS NOW A GHOST. That's macabre! And hilarious! And it's a Christmas movie? Sign my morbid ass up!
Hawkeye – Season 1, Episode 5
We are in the final stretch of Hawkeye episodes, and already the latest episode, "Ronin," has alleviated some of the concerns I voiced last time. I'd explain more, but this is the intro paragraph where I try to keep spoilers to a minimum because this doubles as the page preview. So let's cut the crap and jump right in!
A Puppy for Christmas (2016)
Christmas means many things to many people, but its true meaning is to be in a relationship with someone who will help you decorate a tree for the holidays. Oh, you doubt me? Then why are there a million different Christmas romances where that's the message? Checkmate. In this particular case, A Puppy for Christmas is about finding your one true Christmas love AND adopting the worst puppy ever. Just a garbage dog. Girl, you're ruining your life with this animal.
Chwineka Watches 