I love my friends, I really do. When I asked around about what people thought was the worst movie they'd ever seen I got some of the usual suspects, but enough of my friends are fucking weirdos like me that I got a few rare cuts as well. One of them was Taintlight, a cheap and ugly parody of Twilight (a movie I have now mentioned on this blog 6 times so I'm now contractually obligated to cover it before the new year is over). How ugly? Well...
Is there a recognized subgenre of movies called something like "The Room, but X" or am I breaking new ground? Either way, it's been too hetero during this month of some of the worst movies ever made, so let's watch The Room, but gay! Yes, even gay directors can make movies that are so bad and boring that I long for the sweet release of death while suffering through them. Equality!
When I was compiling a list of potential movies for a month full of "the worst ever," there was only one movie that made me shudder every time I remembered it existed. Now, I use a lot of hyperbolic language on this blog, but I need you to understand something: I mean that literally. Every time I thought about Ms. Paris Hilton's The Hottie & the Nottie, I physically shuddered. Out of ALL the movies I gathered links to, this was the one I dreaded the most. But here we are, for better or worse.
Have you ever watched something so bad and/or dumb that you can actually feel your brain cells killing themselves so they don't have to retain anything from it? A movie so awful you walk away a dumber person? WELL ON THAT NOTE, let me try to talk about ThanksKilling 3 without screaming too much!
I like movie monsters. Give me some nasty motherfucker with too many teeth and eyes that pierce into your soul and I'm a happy individual. One of my favorite monsters is the wendigo, an Ojibway evil spirit that pop culture has taken and claimed as it's own (seriously, they even show up in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic). But none of that really matters, because there is no wendigo in A Windigo Tale. There is a horrible monster that devoured the young members of their tribe, but it's more... metaphorical.
A game I like to play with my friends is "Actually, You Do Know What This Is." It's where I show someone a the full context of a meme's origin. For example, odds are you don't know Sunstroke Project or Sergey Stepanov by name, but he's the internet's favorite Epic Sax Guy (the song is called "Run Away," by the way, and it slaps). The reason I bring this up is because The Gay Deceivers is a completely forgettable movie except for the only decent actor giving an amazing line: "I may not know my flowers, but I know a BITCH when I see one!" Yup, this is that movie.
Social distancing has kept my friends at arm's length (and you should be social distancing as well so we can be done with this virus bullshit AND ACTUALLY SEE OUR FRIENDS AGAIN!), but through the power of the internet I've been able to watch some movies with the gang. One of such movie was L'Inconnu … Continue reading Stranger by the Lake (2013)
I've been sitting on this one for a little while. I watched it during October when I was only doing horror movies, thinking that the "horror" label I saw on several sites was accurate. I don't know if it really counts as a "horror" so much as a "thriller," but I was certainly horrified watching it. Mostly it's a bunch of "body horror." So here it is, ready for November. And it's... oof.
For a lot of people my age--Millennials that are very close to the Generation X divide--the 90's are a nostalgic time. Things were better back then, right? Or at least we didn't have the maturity and capacity to understand how things were not good, haven't been good for a long time, and that a lot of our current problems have roots back then. But, uh... at least the movies back then were good? Some of the movies. Okay, so this and a couple other movies that nostalgia goggles convince us were good. This intro is getting away from me... SO YEAH ANYWAY, HOW ABOUT THE CRAFT?
We are so close to finishing October of the Corn... And October too, but this spooky month doesn't exhaust me like these last few Children of the Corn movies do, and the remake to 1984's Children of the Corn is no exception. This film is far more faithful to the original short story, but at what cost? For me the cost is that it's an absolute slog to get through. So without further ado...