A Wrestling Christmas Miracle (2020)

Mr. Ken del Vecchio is a bad man. His politics sucks, his writing sucks, his acting sucks, and the fact that he forces his kid into his movies sucks. Joker’s Poltergeist was in very poor taste, A Karate Christmas Miracle, was baffling, and A Wrestling Christmas Miracle was so, so boring. The others may be worse to some people, but this was the bottom of the barrel for me.

Despite having largely the same cast and plot as A Karate Christmas Miracle, this is a relatively unrelated movie. After spending an embarrassing amount of time hyping up how amazing the main kid–the writer’s son–is at wrestling, we get the general plot: his friend is in a coma, and he wants to make a comedy movie funny enough to wake the friend up by Christmas. Apparently the kid writes and directs a film-within-the-film about a… condemned hospital with insane doctors, or something, but it’s dog shit. Painfully unfunny, and a little horrifying when I realize I didn’t watch anything else in honor of Gilbert Gottfried’s passing, so this is how I unintentionally celebrated his life. Anyway, two bumbling dipshits steal the only copy of the movie and ransom it for a million dollars, which the kid’s family easily comes up with. Well, the mom does, because the dad–of course played by Ken himself–is off in the Congo staging a wrestling themed coup. Reread that sentence as many times as you need, but know it makes no more sense in context. The showdown with the thieves reveals the uncle is in on it, but wrestling moves and a gun stop them from escaping. And in the funniest part of the entire movie, the film doesn’t wake the friend up from his coma. No, he has to put in a headlock by the main kid, and only then does he wake. It’s a Christmas miracle. I want to die.

Ken del Vecchio is officially going on the list of filmmakers banned at Movie Night. There is a dark part of me that is curious about some of his more out there sounding movies like OBAM Nude where he plays an Obama stand-in–he’s white, for reference–who sells his soul to the Devil so he can enforce socialism and a lack of choice on America, but right now I think that would actually kill me. For reference, the only others on this banned list are Ulli Lommel and Dinesh D’Souza. Uwe Boll’s movies are bad, but not bad enough to count, so that should tell you something about how I feel about del Vecchio as a person.

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