I don't want to come off as some sort of movie snob or purist. There are many different ways to tell a story, and sticking to a rigid structure is not always the best course of action. Case in point, Hellraiser: Inferno was a detective mystery that had some Hellish aspects, and I think it worked. But I guess Miramax thought they could try the same formula and create another interesting movie out of a script previously unrelated to the franchise. But no. Hellraiser: Hellseeker sucks and I hate it. Welcome back to the Hellbound Halloween. We're officially in the bad half of the franchise.
Back what seems like a thousand years ago, my first job had dirt cheap DVD packs that I absolutely needed to buy. Were they anything good? Typically no. These packs included things like the Prey of the Jaguar and The Conspiracy of Fear two-pack that I've already talked about here. One such pack was a "Horror Classic" pack of 5 movies featuring the legendary Mr. Bela Lugosi. So things like 1931's Dracula or even Plan 9 from Outer Space? Uh... no. More like his utterly forgotten films that fell into the public domain like The Devil Bat and today's film, The Gorilla, a slapstick "horror"* comedy that only has one redeeming element: Patsy Kelly.
Whoa! We're halfway there! The Hellbound Halloween continues with the fifth movie in the Hellraiser franchise, Hellraiser: Inferno. This is the first film in the series not to be released in theaters, and also the first where it's really, really obvious that this was originally an unrelated script before the cenobites were tacked on. As a result the execution is... polarizing. It's a very strange movie, but I think I can safely say it's the best Silent Hill film yet!
Did you know that there is going to be TV show based on the character Django? Ms. Noomi Rapace is the only name I recognize in it, but stars Matthias Schoenaerts, who was... uh... DJ Cosmonaut X in Elektra, as well as being in many other movies I haven't seen. But upon the announcement a cry went up in a small section internet: "How can you have a Django TV show if the character is white?" And I can totally see where they're coming from; Django Unchained is most likely how most people today know the character. But Django--specifically the white Django--predates Unchained by almost 50 years. It's very much a Nick Fury situation. Anyway, saddle up, buckos! We're diving into some old spaghetti westerns! Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!
I want to say that I found this movie by looking up superhero movies. Tell Tale is a film written by Mr. Dave Callaham, who is credited as the writer on Wonder Woman 1984, Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, and the upcoming Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 2. Hell, Callaham also wrote 2021's Mortal Kombat and all four The Expendables movies--no, you're not having a stroke, the fourth one hasn't come out yet. Or that I found it looking up movies based on Edgar Allan Poe stories. All those are things I would talk about here, so it would make sense. But no, I discovered this obscure movie in a way that leaves me honestly feeling a bit embarrassed...
I'm starting this post with an aside. I live in in the Pacific Northwest in part due to its moderate weather. Well, it's supposed to be 100° the day I'm writing this, and we're on track for 110° on Monday, the day this goes live. So, uh, if I suddenly stop posting, it's because I died of heat stroke.
We're back with more Arrow episodes! Last time we got to meet Slade Wilson, AKA Deathstroke, someone who is destined to become one of Oliver's best friends, but also one of his worst enemies. Not to be outdone, this batch of episodes introduces Green Arrow's long time sidekick, Speedy/Arsenal/Red Arrow, someone who will almost appear in every season of the show. It's a big deal for me because he's one of my favorite underrated characters, and while he's straight, his actor is gay. Happy Pride Month!
It's the weekend, which means more of me rambling about Arrow episodes! I know that June is Pride Month and the show at this point has little to no queer representation, but I'd already started this project before June and I'm reviewing queer movies on weekdays, so lemme have this little break. Last we saw, Oliver Queen got absolutely trounced by an assassin revealed (to us, not Oliver) to be Malcolm Merlyn, the first season's big bad. Where does this main plot go in these episodes? Not really anywhere super noteworthy, but that's the nature of long-running shows: not every episode can further the metaplot in a meaningful way.
Welcome back to me talking about Arrow, a thing I still haven't come up with a cute name for yet. This batch of episodes wraps up with episode 9, the midseason break. Is that something I have to explain? Just in case, way back in the Before Times, weekly TV shows often took a break for a month or so around the middle of a season to give the actors and creators a little break. Usually it'd end on a cliffhanger, and this sort of has one!
What's this? More Arrow episodes? I was ahead with stuff for once, so I figured I'd continue watching episodes so that it doesn't take me fifty years to reach the seasons currently airing. Don't expect this to be a regular thing--especially with Loki's premiere right around the corner.