I would like to lodge a formal complaint. I was promised porn stars in a cheesy horror movie fighting to survive against evil cartoons brought to life, and yet there was only one titular evil toon. Yes, there is the suggestion that the Knockoffronomicon has more sinister animated beasties, but I'd argue that's still false advertising. Well att least I got to listen to some godawful rock music... Okay, maybe I should start from the beginning.
So, uh... hey. How you doin'? Well, I'm doing just fine! Sorry there hasn't been a post on this blog since... October? Holy hell. I burned out real hard, got super stressed at work, and now I'm in the process of moving! So sadly there hasn't been that much time or energy to keep this blog up to date. I'm hoping once the move is done things will change, but I make no promises. All I can say now is that every so often a movie will stun me in such a way that I'll have no choice but to brush the dust off this site and talk about it. And so it is with Butt Boy, a movie about a man who puts anything and anyone up his own ass.
Last year for October I watched all the Hellraiser films as part of The Hellbound Halloween. That's 10 movies about Pinhead and his fellow cenobites, with a brief break near the end because holy shit they somehow got progressively worse as time went on. So when I heard that the long-awaited Hellraiser reboot was dropping in October, I knew I had to talk about it. And so here we are on a Saturday while the weekdays are taken up by October of the Living Dead.
Film rights are a can of worms. They are the reason the Marvel Cinematic Universe was created without mutants, despite the Avengers and X-Men both being owned by Marvel. It's also partially why Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch are no longer Magneto's children (as of time of writing, the Trial of Magneto may have a weird ending). Whenever you hear about film rights, it's typically never a good sign. That's the case with Hellraiser: Revelations, a rushed entry in the Hellraiser franchise made so Dimension could keep the film rights. The Hellbound Halloween has hit its lowest point. This is why I took a break from this franchise for a week.
There's something about franchises--particularly big horror franchises--where it sure seems like each one has a film that just refuses to stick in my head. I wrote about Children of the Corn: The Gathering just last year, but even then I still only remember the barest of details without looking at the post. Something about a fever...? In that same vein, was it Leprechaun 2 or Leprechaun 3 where he was at a pawn shop? And A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master is just a total blank to me. The point being I've seen all 10 Hellraiser films before, but had no memory of what the hell Hellraiser: Deader was about. But now I've rewatched it and can safely say that I'll most likely forget every detail of this boring movie--again--by next month, if not next week.
Whoa! We're halfway there! The Hellbound Halloween continues with the fifth movie in the Hellraiser franchise, Hellraiser: Inferno. This is the first film in the series not to be released in theaters, and also the first where it's really, really obvious that this was originally an unrelated script before the cenobites were tacked on. As a result the execution is... polarizing. It's a very strange movie, but I think I can safely say it's the best Silent Hill film yet!
Welcome back to the Hellbound Halloween! Today's entry is the fourth film in the Hellraiser franchise, Hellraiser: Bloodline. Man, we're making good time with all this--four down and only six more to go. At this rate I'll be done well before October is over! Hm, if only I had planned for that eventuality and had some tricks up my sleeve... Anyway, let's talk about a film directed by Alan Smithee. Oh, that's never a good sign.
I've seen all ten Hellraiser movies before, but most of them were a long time ago. I remembered the first two adhering to Mr. Clive Barker's vision and being pretty good, the last two were absolute dog shit, and the ones in the middle were hit or miss. So I went into Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth not expecting much. They're brining back Pinhead after his noble sacrifice in Hellbound: Hellraiser II? Already starting on a bad foot. But turns out this was better than I remember, in part because it has something intersting to say about abusive relationships.
The Hellbound Halloween continues! It's a reference to The Hellbound Heart, the story by Mr. Clive Barker that Hellraiser is based on, by the way. This is the last film in the franchise that Barker had a direct hand in, which is a little concerning since it's only the second film. Yup, from here on out the quality steadily decreases--although I remember Hellraiser: Inferno being decent--until we hit the bottom of the barrel with the last two. But that's something we'll touch on later in the month; right now let's end Julia's reign of evil!
Happy Halloween... month! It's October, which basically means it's already Halloween. It also means it's time to whip out my annual "review a horror movie each weekday while also covering a big horror franchise" event! This is a spiritual successor to “Chwineka Watches 31 Netflix Horror Movies for October” (or CW31NHMO for short), so don't expect a concise name for the idea as a whole from me. Anywho, the second annual event is The Hellbound Halloween, where I cover all 10 currently released Hellraiser movies and a few more morsels from Mr. Clive Barker. So let's dive into what's probably the horniest big horror franchise out there!