The Rift: Dark Side of the Moon (2016)

Lemme pull back the curtain a bit here at Chwineka Watches: I usually listen to music when writing up these posts. Revolutionary, I know. I have that "lofi hip hop radio" YouTube video bookmarked, but lately I've felt the urge to listen to music in my collection. Even more recently, I've taken all the songs I have from my new favorite band--the Anix--put them into one playlist, and just hit shuffle when it comes time to write. I really do like these guys, so imagine my surprise when I heard them while watching this utterly lackluster Serbian film! But, like, not actually A Serbian Film, a movie I will never watch, let alone for this blog.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)

I guess I'm a Godzilla fan? But what classifies someone as a "fan" of something, really? Sure, I've seen all the live action Godzilla movies, but I've seen all the Children of the Corn movies and I'm certainly not a fan of that franchise (no one is). The only Godzilla merch I own is a card game that has been collecting dust ever since I picked it up. I own a Gamera DVD collection with 9 or so movies, so am I a Gamera fan? No, but you get the idea. I guess for me, calling myself a fan means that when Godzilla starts glowing red in Godzilla: King of the Monsters, I cheered for the reappearance of Burning Godzilla. So I'm a fan in that I'm a huge fucking nerd.

Tsunambee (2015)

Who doesn't love a good bad disaster movie? You don't go into Sharknado expecting fine cinema, you go in hoping that a guy cuts a shark in half with a chainsaw, and that said shark was delivered to him via tornado. So imagine how excited I was when I first saw a film called Tsunambee. The tagline on the poster is "This is gonna sting a little!" It's a goofy movie about a tsunami of bees, right? Right...?

Zack Snyder’s Justice League (2021)

As I said on Friday, I wanted to watch the original, theatrical version of Justice League before I dove into Mr. Zack Snyder's Justice League so I could better compare and contrast. I made some predictions of what I thought would get cut--I was pretty much absolutely right--and what the new film would look like. Now, having watched it I can definitely say that this is the most Zack Snyder movie Zack Snyder has ever made, and that it is better than the theatrical version. The rest? Well...

Justice League (2017)

I did it! MCU March is officially over and I successfully talked about all 23 Marvel Cinematic Universe movies over the course of a month. I don't know about you guys, but I am superhero-ed out. Now it's time to sit back and watch a bunch of movies that I've been... Wait, what's that? Zack Snyder's Justice League came out last month? Zack Snyder's Justice League IS REAL?! For fuck's sake, this was just supposed to be a marketing stunt! It was never actually going to happen! Uuuuuuugh... Fine. FINE! In order to give the illusion of being topical, I'll review the four hour monstrosity. But because I'm me and my brain is horribly flawed, I've got to review the original Justice League movie first so I have something to compare to. But that's it, after this no more superhero movies for the rest of April!

Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

I think I can safely say that this is the biggest cinematic crossover ever. What even comes close? The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen? The Monster Squad? Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Okay, that last one is a strong contender, but I digress. After 10 years of setting up characters and stories in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it all comes together with Avengers: Infinity War. We're in the endgame of MCU March, so heads up: a LOT happens so the review section is going to be a bit long.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

I'm kicking off this entry in MCU March with an addendum. In the Ant-Man post, I said that movie was my favorite of the "overtly comedic Marvel movies." Clearly I had forgotten about Thor: Ragnarok and how great this movie is when I wrote that. I think it's safe to say that this is my favorite Marvel Cinematic Universe film (and I double checked the list so I won't have to make this addendum again). I guess after rewatching all these movies, I have a soft spot for the God of Thunder.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

MCU March is still going strong! With Avengers: Age of Ultron we're just about at the halfway point of the franchise (thus far) and the end of Phase 2. I say "just about" because the actual mid-point (thus far) AND the actual end of Phase 2 both happen to be Ant-Man, but we'll get to that tomorrow. Today we watch Tony Stark continue to make the worst decisions possible!

Left Behind (2014)

I am not a very religious man, but when I was younger I read several book in the Left Behind series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B Jenkins. If you haven't heard of them, they were the story of those suffering through the 7 years of the Great Tribulation. I think I got up to Assassins, the sixth book where the Antichrist gets shot in the head (he gets better), before the HEAVY religious overtones were just too much for me. But they made movie adaptations of the series, so let's dive into another shitty movie starring Mr. Kirk Cameron! Wait... I'm not talking about 2000's Left Behind? Instead I'm talking about the 2014 one starring Nic Cage, where even Christian reviewers thought it was one of the worst movies ever made? I never thought I would ever say this, but I'd rather watch a Kirk Cameron movie. I don't know how to feel about that...