Tag: made for tv
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Ewoks: The Battle for Endor (1985)
Previously, I watched Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure, a made-for-TV Star Wars spin off for kids that was… fine. It was fine. I’ve definitely seen worse kids movies and worse Star Wars films. But then there’s its sequel, Ewoks: The Battle for Endor. While the first film is a story of togetherness–children teaming up with teddy bears to save their parents–the second film is darker, but also no longer fine. Kinda bad, in fact.
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Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure (1984)
It wasn’t my intention to avoid the main Star Wars movies; it’s just that covering all nine is an event all to itself. And then the question becomes in what order do I watch them? Chronologically (1-9)? By release (4-6, 1-3, 7-9)? Flashback mode (4&5, 1-3, 6-9)? And what about Rogue One and Solo? But that’s a problem for future Chwineka, and fuck that guy. Today we’re talking about Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure, a made-for-TV kids film featuring everyone’s favorite Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi characters, the ewoks. What, you didn’t love the ewoks? Well too…
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Ghost Shark (2013)
Oh, I’m sorry, did you think I was kidding at the end of the Tsunambee post when I said I was going to watch Ghost Shark next? I own a physical copy of the damn thing! Sometime in the middle of quarantine (time has been rendered meaningless) I picked up a DVD multipack of shark movies that also included one alligator film because…? Anyway, when’s Shark Week? Sometime in July or August? Well don’t be surprised if I celebrate by watching Mississippi River Sharks, Ozark Sharks, Santa Jaws, Radioactive Sewer Sharks, Swamp Shark, and/or Zombie Shark. I also made up…
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Almighty Thor (2011)
I’ve talked about this before, but The Asylum is a film company known for ridiculous movies like Sharknado and a ridiculous amount of knock-offs. Mockbusters, if you will. Back in 2005, Blockbuster–remember when that was relevant?–accidentally ordered 100,000 copies of HG Wells’ War of the Worlds instead of the Stephen Spielberg film that came out the same year, War of the Worlds. From there the company just went wild, creating knockoffs like Atlantic Rim, Sunday School Musical, and in this particular case, Almight Thor to go up against Marvel’s Thor. The God of Thunder is technically in the public domain,…
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The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
Oh, I’m sorry, did you think that just because Christmas was over I’d stop reviewing holiday movies? Well fuck that! There’s still two updates left for December, and I’m queuing up things early! Today we take a detour from Christmas movies to “vaguely Christmas-related holidays,” such as the very important Life Day! It’s a day where you… dress in red robes and… grab your light up snow globe and… travel to some weird void… where you scream? Whatever, it’s The Star Wars Holiday Special. It doesn’t matter, not like it’s canon or anything.
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Christmas Wedding Planner (2017)
I am a glutton for bad movies, and for better or worse my friends are well aware of this. So much so, in fact, that a dear friend needed me to check out this movie. Yes, needed. It seemed like your typical “Christmas romantic TV movie,” but then I looked at the ratings. Wow! This is apparently one of the worst Christmas movies ever made? I ask because that’s a bold claim. But does it live up to that…? I mean, it’s no Red Christmas–where an aborted fetus all grown up named Cletus tries to kill his family–but this is…
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Christams Twister (2012)
I don’t normally include screenshots with my reviews, but I needed you all to know that the typo in today’s title isn’t my mistake. This movie got its own title wrong in the opening credits! Are you fucking serious?! Don’t believe me? It’s currently on Tubi, so go see for yourselves! It’s bad enough that Christmas Twister was renamed F6: Twister for the DVD release AND that it stars Mr. Casper Van Dien–a sure sign that it’s bad–but they didn’t even give the title a second look over? By writing up this post, I have put more effort into this…
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A Recipe for Seduction (2020)
We’re taking a short break from non-stop Christmas movies to review something special. This is a first on two fronts for this blog: the first review of a short film and the first review of a commercial. That’s right, Lifetime and KFC partnered up to create A Recipe for Seduction, a living, breathing meme. And how could I not review it? It’s just a few steps away from a televised Chuck Tingle adaptation, or a Super Bowl commercial actually making use of its budget. And it stars Mr. Mario Lopez as Harland Sanders? I’m delighted and intrigued!
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The Spirit of Christmas (2015)
Ah, Christmas… It’s a magical time of year overflowing with romantic opportunities. Or at least that’s how it is in Lifetime original movies where the only gift the female lead needs to buy is for her love interest, friends and family be damned. These movies generally follow a plot of “woman sad, woman meet man, woman kiss man in snow,” but when a film breaks with that pattern, sometimes true magic happens. So let’s talk about a Lifetime movie where a lady wants to fuck a Christmas ghost!
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Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical (2005)
Last time I talked about Reefer Madness, AKA Tell Your Children, so me talking about the parody right after shouldn’t be a surprise. I mean, I flat out said it at the end, but anyway. Based on the 1998 stage musical, Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical was a Showtime original movie with a truly ridiculous cast. Mr. Alan Cumming (Nightcrawler in X2) as the narrator! And he was also FDR! Kristen Bell as Mary! Steven Weber as Jack, Anna Gasteyer as Mae, and John Kassir (AKA the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt, including Tales from the Crypt: Demon…
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