Elf-Man (2012)

I think I've made it fairly clear by now that I watch some absolute garbage. I see a premise that sounds stupid as shit and think to myself, "Oh, I can't not watch that." Most of the time such trash is amusing in some way. Maybe it's actually sometimes funny like House Shark. Maybe it's so awful in every way that you can't help but laugh like A Talking Cat!?!. But sometimes, when fate is feeling spiteful, I watch something that's just so aggressively bland, it hurts my soul. Welcome to me talking about Elf-Man, a movie where Hornswoggle from WWE Wee Man from Jackass plays a Christmas elf superhero.

Arrow – Season 1, Episodes 7-9

Welcome back to me talking about Arrow, a thing I still haven't come up with a cute name for yet. This batch of episodes wraps up with episode 9, the midseason break. Is that something I have to explain? Just in case, way back in the Before Times, weekly TV shows often took a break for a month or so around the middle of a season to give the actors and creators a little break. Usually it'd end on a cliffhanger, and this sort of has one!

Arrow – Season 1, Episodes 2-4

Welcome back to me talking about Arrow season 1! Last time we talked about the pilot episode where we learned that Oliver Queen was shipwrecked on an island for five years, has recently come back home, and is a superhero vigilante on the downlow. With the pilot out of the way and a couple plot threads for the season already showing, the next couple episodes build up the main characters. But this is a show for the CW network, so there will be action sequences to go with over the top drama. So, pretty much like a comic book.

Arrow – Season 1, Episode 1

We're finally doing the interconnected superhero shows on the CW channel known as the Arrowverse! This is the start of a very, very large undertaking, so I won't be doing everything in a marathon format. Like with previous series, I'm going to take breaks because holy crap there's a lot to this. As of writing, the Arrowverse consists of 34 seasons across 7 different series (sort of 9), and also two web series (each with two seasons). Holy shit. And they all start crossing over with each other later on? I'll figure out the best way to do that when I get to "Heroes Join Forces," because "Flash vs. Arrow" is more like the two main actors cameoing in each other's show during the same week.

The Avengers (2012)

Everything has been leading to this. Six main characters introduced over 5 movies, all threads leading to the creation of the Avengers. But it's not as simple as them just deciding working together is a great idea. What do you think this is, 1963? So let's talk about the last film in Marvel's Phase One as MCU March continues!

Excision (2012)

Time once again to pull from the list of movies I've referenced but haven't reviewed, so let's roll the equivalent of a 297-sided die! Yes, the number has grown from last time (The Phantom) because I cannot help myself. Anyway... #96! Hm, that's the first of a trilogy and it would flow better if I did all three movies next week, so let's roll again. #87! And that is... oh. Oh my. This is going to be a weird one.

The Amazing Bulk (2012)

One of my problems with the IMDB Bottom 100 list is that you need to meet a minimum number of ratings in order to qualify. For example, Diary of a Cannibal (the worst movie I've ever seen) has an IMDB rating of 1.4, lower than Disaster Movie, the movie in the #1 spot on the list with a score of 2.0. But Disaster Movie has almost 87 thousand ratings, while Cannibal has (as of writing) 746. There are so many movies worse than Disaster Movie but they don't have enough views to show up on official "worst" lists. All this is leading to the fact that The Amazing Bulk is an amazingly bad movie that hasn't made enough of a splash to make it on many lists. But trust me, it's BAD.

Christams Twister (2012)

I don't normally include screenshots with my reviews, but I needed you all to know that the typo in today's title isn't my mistake. This movie got its own title wrong in the opening credits! Are you fucking serious?! Don't believe me? It's currently on Tubi, so go see for yourselves! It's bad enough that Christmas Twister was renamed F6: Twister for the DVD release AND that it stars Mr. Casper Van Dien--a sure sign that it's bad--but they didn't even give the title a second look over? By writing up this post, I have put more effort into this movie than any of the creators. Fucking hell.

ThanksKilling 3 (2012)

Have you ever watched something so bad and/or dumb that you can actually feel your brain cells killing themselves so they don't have to retain anything from it? A movie so awful you walk away a dumber person? WELL ON THAT NOTE, let me try to talk about ThanksKilling 3 without screaming too much!