Category: Reviews
-
Mazes and Monsters (1982)
We are currently living in a golden age for gamers. I’m talking the more “traditional games,” like role-playing games, board games, card games, miniature games, and the like. Sure, global instability has forced companies to increase their shipping rates to stay alive, sometimes to ludicrous degrees, but the market is wide enough that an incredibly niche game about bird watching sold so well that it’s out of print for, like, the third time since coming out in 2019! And Dungeons & Dragons is doing remarkably well at the moment, but that wasn’t always the case.
-
The Mummy’s Kiss (2003)
Dear reader, I want you to know that I have standards for this blog. Somewhat high standards! The kind of standards where once I find out that a movie I’m watching on Amazon dot com has been severely edited, I go out and search for the intact version. And for this movie, that happened to be Pornhub, so I guess my standards aren’t all that high…
-
Outbreak (1995)
You know what’s a great idea? Watching a virus movie while the nation is under siege from a virus. Yes, I do take medication due to heightened anxiety, why do you ask? Anyway, I went with Outbreak over Contagion because while Contagion is more… realistic and relevant to our current epidemic, Outbreak is more of a 90’s action thriller with a virus that kills people in 3 days. Just a tad more fantastical and action-orientated.
-
The Lost Skeleton Returns Again (2009)
We’re back! Almost a decade after The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, just about everybody returns for The Lost Skeleton Returns Again. And I do mean (just about) everybody: the titular Lost Skeleton survived being thrown off a cliff but is missing his body; the dead evil scientist, Roger Fleming, is replaced by his twin brother, Peter Fleming, who is not evil; and Ranger Brad’s twin brother, Jungle Brad, steps in. They have different last names, of course.
-
The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra (2001)
There are–in my mind–three kinds of film parodies. The first are soulless cash grabs. Stuff like most of the Scary Movie franchise, Date Movie, Vampires Suck… really, anything by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. The second are shameless knock-offs. Stretching the definition a bit, but these include Doctor Mordrid, Atlantic Rim, and most of the movies made by The Asylum that aren’t Syfy original movies. And the last are made by people who actually enjoyed the source material: Galaxy Quest, Young Frankenstein, and The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, a movie Movie Night adores.
-
The Curse of King Tut, Part 2 (2006)
Man, I hope when this aired on the Hallmark Channel that they included a “previously on” montage, because the version I watched jumps right into the second half with no explanation. It might as well have been a commercial break instead of “to be continued” and credits. Who knows, maybe it was shown like that. I don’t care enough to look it up. Casper Van Dien has already taken up enough of my time.
-
The Curse of King Tut, Part 1 (2006)
Oh my god, why is this movie 3 hours long?? It’s a Hallmark original movie, for fuck’s sake! I refuse to sit though all of this in one sitting, so just like Hallmark Channel did, I’m breaking this up into two parts. Because all the best movies–and reviews–end with “to be continued.”
-
Deep Impact (1998)
I usually wait a day or so after watching a movie to write these posts, but I had some big issues with Deep Impact so I want to write them out while they’re still very fresh in my mind.
-
Were the World Mine (2008)
There’s a trend of gay movies being rather dark and ending with the queer protagonist (or someone they love) dying. Soldier’s Girl, Brokeback Mountain, the list goes on. And I just… can we not? Life as a queer person is already rough enough without having to sit through “tragedy porn” in order to see some representation. Give me more gay romantic comedies! Or gay love stories that DON’T involve someone dying in an attempt to tug at my heartstrings and/or win awards!
-
Feed (2005)
I’m gonna start this post with a “compliment sandwich.” It’s the thing where you sandwich your negativity between two pieces of positivity. Okay, so… This is a very well made movie; the story is engaging, the cinematography is on point, and I cannot say that this movie is bad. Next up, this is one of the most uncomfortable movies I have ever sat through, and watching it with other people is a recipe for awkward silence. And to wrap it up, the soundtrack is banging!
Chwineka Watches 