Man, I hope when this aired on the Hallmark Channel that they included a “previously on” montage, because the version I watched jumps right into the second half with no explanation. It might as well have been a commercial break instead of “to be continued” and credits. Who knows, maybe it was shown like that. I don’t care enough to look it up. Casper Van Dien has already taken up enough of my time.
So all hell has broken loose. The bad guy got the final piece of the artifact the only way he knew how: stealing it from our hero, the poor man’s Indiana Jones. Demons are now flying everywhere, the villain’s sucking the soul out of people, and the situation is not ideal. One of Van Dien’s best friends gets cured of tuberculosis, is used as a spy by the villain, and then hunted down in an extended chase sequence that I’m absolutely convinced was just to add to the run time. Again, why was this thing 3 hours long??
Remember how I complained about the bloated cast of characters last time? Turns out this movie made for the network that also aired A Country Wedding and all 15 films in the Garage Sale Mystery franchise (hmm… I’ll keep that in mind) thinks that it’s a horror movie! How cute. When the heroes enter Tut’s tomb and eventually the demonic realm–which looks awful, just like everything else–the people who aren’t the main character and his love interest start dying off. Like, really quickly. So quickly that I’m not even sure how some of them bit the dust, but to be fair I was painting while watching. I refused to give this movie my full attention.
Anyway, King Tut is rescued, he fights the demon Set, and the day is saved by a mostly bald twink with robot wings. All the good guys who died are alive with no memory of what happened, the main woman’s fiance is now married with a kid (he never turned evil, so I’ll admit I was wrong), they give the map to Tut’s tomb to Howard Carter in a nod that I’m pretty sure most people didn’t get, and they live happily ever after. What a colossal waste of time.
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