Tag: horror
“What’s your favorite scary movie?”
-Scream (1996)
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Saw (2004)
You didn’t think a little thing like a hiatus would stop me from celebrating the entire month of Halloween, did you? My tradition of a yearly October event lives on with Saw-mhain, a pun that works best if you know Irish /Gaeilge. Oh yes, the syllable break of Samhain (SAH-win) is Sa-mhain, because fuck you, that’s why. Gaeilge is a bastard language.
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Children of the Corn (2020)
I know, I know. I’m still on hiatus, but I had to make this post. Why? Because I am Captain Ahab and the Children of the Corn prequel/remake/reboot has been my white whale ever since it disappeared off the face of the goddamned Earth back in 2020, only to resurface recently. From hell’s heart I stab at thee! The last movie of this forsaken franchise has been seen!
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Smile (2022)
You ever see a movie and just assume it’s not going to be good? Smile is all about creepy smiles! Oooh, I’m shaking in my boots… Plus, they showed what is most likely the best jumpscare in the trailer–if you know, you know–so what else is there? But I heard reviews were rather positive for this film. Was it actually worth watching? Or did it make me hate myself like that awful, awful movie Smiley? Writers call that a hook!
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Brightburn (2019)
Okay, you guys. You guys! I have a million dollar idea. No, a billion dollar idea! Are you ready? You’re not ready, but here we go: what if–take a moment and think about this–what if… Superman… was evil? I know, right?! Groundbreaking. Revolutionary. Just think about how much–wait, what? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS HAS BEEN DONE A THOUSAND TIMES BEFORE?! Fuck… FUCK!! Fine! Whatever! I’ll stick with just talking about movies, then, I fucking guess.
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Broadcast Signal Intrusion (2021)
Sometimes it’s hard to put into words why a movie didn’t resonate with me. Using a recent example, Antlers was a perfectly fine movie with a pretty basic ending, but it just didn’t live up to my expectations. And that’s the case with Broadcast Signal Intrusion. The creepy atmosphere is on point, but the ambiguous ending just didn’t land. And I’m usually a huge fan of ambiguous endings! So let’s analyze what I think didn’t work.
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Antlers (2021)
Anticipation makes the heart grow fonder, or something like that. Back in 2020 when the plan was to go to a movie theater each week–you know, before the world ended–Antlers was a movie I was pumped to see. It’s a mainstream wendigo movie! That’s a cryptid I am inordinately fond of! And thankfully, the anticipation paid off better than The Lodge, because this movie is certainly passable.
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Old (2021)
Saying you’re not a fan of Mr. M Night Shyamalan’s later work is a pretty basic opinion these days. No one enjoyed The Last Airbender; and while The Happening is generally pointed to as his worst film, I will go to my grave saying Lady in the Water is objectively worse. So I did not have high hopes for Old when I first heard about it. And now that I’ve seen it, I can say that it’s another disappointment from a man who had so much potential. What a twist.
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Evil Toons (1992)
I would like to lodge a formal complaint. I was promised porn stars in a cheesy horror movie fighting to survive against evil cartoons brought to life, and yet there was only one titular evil toon. Yes, there is the suggestion that the Knockoffronomicon has more sinister animated beasties, but I’d argue that’s still false advertising. Well att least I got to listen to some godawful rock music… Okay, maybe I should start from the beginning.
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Butt Boy (2019)
So, uh… hey. How you doin’? Well, I’m doing just fine! Sorry there hasn’t been a post on this blog since… October? Holy hell. I burned out real hard, got super stressed at work, and now I’m in the process of moving! So sadly there hasn’t been that much time or energy to keep this blog up to date. I’m hoping once the move is done things will change, but I make no promises. All I can say now is that every so often a movie will stun me in such a way that I’ll have no choice but to…
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FleshEater (1988)
And so we end October of the Living Dead the same way we started: with Mr. Bill Hinzman. Remember back in Night of the Living Dead when I said to keep him in mind for later on? Well, that time is now! The man who played the first “ghoul” we see made a career out of that appearance, culminating in this film that he wrote, directed, and starred it. It’s currently freely streaming on Tubi, so that kind of tells you the quality.
Chwineka Watches 