The Polar Express (2004)

I want to start by saying that we have a lot to thank Robert Zemeckis for. He wrote and directed Back to the Future, its sequels, and directed the... Back to the Future Saturday morning cartoon? That has to be a typo. Anyway the man is a legend! Buuuuut... holy crap, his animated movies are unpleasant to look at. It also doesn't help that the story at the heart of The Polar Express is also pretty blah.

Cube Zero (2004)

Look, I’m still a bit mad about Cube²: Hypercube, but I’m really mad that this is a prequel and not a sequel. Sure, it would be pretty hard to raise the stakes on the insanity that was the previous movie, but YOU HAD THE CHANCE TO CALL THIS MOVIE CUBE³–AKA CUBE CUBED–AND YOU DIDN’T! DISHONOR ON YOU! DISHONOR ON YOUR COW!!

National Treasure (2004)

Who has two thumbs and actually looked at a calendar before deciding what movie to review? You’ll have to trust me on the thumbs part, but this guy! Tomorrow is the Fourth of July, and because of that I thought I should do a themed post. But what to watch? Independence Day is almost too obvious, Jaws took place during the Fourth… But I decided to go with a movie based on longstanding American traditions: stealing stuff and believing conspiracy theories. LET’S STEAL THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE!

Dead & Breakfast (2004)

Is this really the first zombie movie I’ve reviewed here? Huh. Makes sense, as it’s not my favorite horror subgenre and I don’t own many zombie movies, but it’s still a bit surprising. But Dead & Breakfast is not just a zombie movie, though! It’s a horror comedy about an undead spirit possessing the inhabitants of a tiny town, trying to murder everyone they come across and adding the bodies to its growing army. There’s also a zombie line dancing sequence. But let’s start at the beginning.