Tag: action
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The Curse of King Tut, Part 2 (2006)
Man, I hope when this aired on the Hallmark Channel that they included a “previously on” montage, because the version I watched jumps right into the second half with no explanation. It might as well have been a commercial break instead of “to be continued” and credits. Who knows, maybe it was shown like that. I don’t care enough to look it up. Casper Van Dien has already taken up enough of my time.
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The Curse of King Tut, Part 1 (2006)
Oh my god, why is this movie 3 hours long?? It’s a Hallmark original movie, for fuck’s sake! I refuse to sit though all of this in one sitting, so just like Hallmark Channel did, I’m breaking this up into two parts. Because all the best movies–and reviews–end with “to be continued.”
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Ink (2009)
It’s kind of hard to review your favorite movie. When I hate something, oh my god, I have to force myself to stop ranting about it. And with a mix of schadenfreude and impassioned writing those posts are usually pretty fun to read (I have been told). But a movie I love? It’s kinda rough to get the ball rolling…
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ZsaZsa Zaturnnah Ze Moveeh (2006)
The first time I saw a trailer for this movie, I knew I had to own it. This movie was made for me, and it was my destiny to find it. Sure, it’s not in English (well, mostly not in English), but that’s never stopped me before. Bring on subtitles! I don’t fear them!
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Blubberella (2011)
So first there was Bloodrayne, one of the several video game movie made by talentless hack Uwe Boll. Next there was Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance, where Rayne fights cowboys. The trilogy ended with Bloodrayne: The Third Reich, the one where she FINALLY fights Nazis. But wait, we’re not quite done! Then came Blubberella, a scene-for-scene parody of The Third Reich where Rayne has been replaced by the titular Blubberella (played by Ms. Lindsay Hollister), an overweight dhampir. And it’s bad. Like, amazingly bad.
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Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon (2016)
I don’t think it’s a controversial opinion to say that this movie is not as good as Scooby-Doo! Wrestlemania Mystery, the previous Scooby-Doo/WWE crossover. That movie stars more noteworthy wrestlers and features actual wrestling! But John Cena is a major character in Wrestlemania Mystery and I hate him so very much, so I own Curse of the Speed Demon instead. All because John Cena sucks.
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Fantasy Island (2020)
There is criminal activity going on in my local theaters this year and I’m getting fed up with it. It started with Color Out of Space, which got a one day screening all over my city and then disappeared except for a single showing at night in Seattle. Next was The Lodge, which never even reached anywhere close to me. I guess they technically count as “indie movies,” but they were horror movies I was excited to see and they disappeared before I got a chance!
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Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)
There are a number of articles talking about how this is the gayest superhero movie thus far, all written by people more talented than me. But that’s not going to stop me from talking about queer representation in Birds of Prey: And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn! Or Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey as it has apparently been renamed.
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Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
AKA Live Die Repeat. Or maybe Live. Die. Repeat.? Either way I think we all can agree that the best name comes from the manga: All You Need is Kill.
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The VelociPastor (2018)
My love of weird, so-bad-it’s-good movies is not a secret. So much so that I had four people tell me about this movie existing, with me responding that oh yes, I have heard of the pastor who turns into a dinosaur and kills people. I even lucked out and got the DVD in the tiny window of opportunity when it was only $4!
Chwineka Watches 