Zack Snyder’s Justice League (2021)

As I said on Friday, I wanted to watch the original, theatrical version of Justice League before I dove into Mr. Zack Snyder's Justice League so I could better compare and contrast. I made some predictions of what I thought would get cut--I was pretty much absolutely right--and what the new film would look like. Now, having watched it I can definitely say that this is the most Zack Snyder movie Zack Snyder has ever made, and that it is better than the theatrical version. The rest? Well...

Justice League (2017)

I did it! MCU March is officially over and I successfully talked about all 23 Marvel Cinematic Universe movies over the course of a month. I don't know about you guys, but I am superhero-ed out. Now it's time to sit back and watch a bunch of movies that I've been... Wait, what's that? Zack Snyder's Justice League came out last month? Zack Snyder's Justice League IS REAL?! For fuck's sake, this was just supposed to be a marketing stunt! It was never actually going to happen! Uuuuuuugh... Fine. FINE! In order to give the illusion of being topical, I'll review the four hour monstrosity. But because I'm me and my brain is horribly flawed, I've got to review the original Justice League movie first so I have something to compare to. But that's it, after this no more superhero movies for the rest of April!

Suicide Squad (2016)

Suicide Squad--not to be confused with The Suicide Squad, the upcoming reboot/sequel--is a victim of January's theme of "worst movies ever" because someone on Facebook named it. Personally, I don't think it's even the worst of the DC Extended Universe, but nobody named Batman Vee Superman Colon Dawn of Justice or Justice League. I'll get to those eventually, but today we talk about a movie done dirty by bad editing (although its lackluster story didn't help).

Batman (1966)

Some of you had to know what was coming. Holy Throwback Thursday, Batman! It’s Adam West and Burt Ward in Batman ’66! After a yacht vanishes before their eyes and a shark explodes, Batman and Robin know that this is the work of (at least) one of their greatest enemies. The whole situation is fishy, so it’s the Penguin! It happened at sea, and “C” stands for Catwoman! The shark was “pulling” Batman’s leg, so the Joker! And it all this adds up to a sinister riddle… Riddle-r? The Riddler! If you haven’t seen this movie, I want you to know that every one of these amazing leaps in logic are straight from the movie and take place over a 10 second sequence. And they’re not the movie ridiculous part. This movie is amazing.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

I want to do something different for The Dark Knight Rises, so let’s get the summary out of the way now: 8 years after The Dark Knight, Batman is retired, Catwoman is never called that in the movie, Bane wants to destroy Gotham, he breaks the Bat, Alfred pulls a “Giles leaves Buffy in season 6” and I still hate it, we see society turning on the rich as envisioned by the rich, surprise it was Talia all along, Batman dies, but not really, Bruce and Selina are happy, and Mr. Joseph Gordon-Levitt may become the new Batman. Or maybe Robin. It has obvious elements of Knightfall (Bane breaking Batman’s back) and No Man’s Land (Gotham is separated from the rest of the United States), but also some nods to Kingdom Come (Bruce’s body being in horrible shape after years of crime fighting, and the line “So that’s what that feels like”). We good? We good.

The Dark Knight (2008)

IMDB has The Dark Knight as the #4 top rated movie on their list of… well, if we’re talking about #4, how long the rest of the list goes doesn’t really matter. This movie made a huge impact when it first came out, but does it hold up a decade later? Yes! Of course it does! This movie is amazing!

Batman Begins (2005)

We started with cartoons, continued with a mix between gothic and campy, and now we have reached the Nolan trilogy. These are some of the most successful Batman movies out there, delivering apparently what people expect of the caped crusader. I’ll touch more on that another day, but for now, we begin with Batman Begins.

Batman Forever (1995)

So last review I complained about a rich capitalist ruining everything and being the true villain. I went hard on that because it's absolutely true and I should say it, but also because I was preparing myself for this movie, one where the studio executives were annoyed that Batman Returns didn't make as much money as they had hoped, and that merchandising was problematic with the Penguin being, you know, a mutant who drools black-green sludge. So here's something completely different: Batman Forever.

Batman Returns (1992)

Batman '89 walked so that Batman Returns could run. For some reason this movie has a lower score than its predecessor on IMDB, and that's just wrong; this movie is the best Batman movie. Well... the best live action Batman movie since Batman: Mask of the Phantasm still exists.