Category: Reviews
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Blood Freak (1972)
Many years ago, when I was a child-shaped entity, my father had a big book of movie reviews. Pretty sure it was VideoHound’s Golden Movie Retriever, or whatever it might have been called back then. Anyway, the book rated movies on a 0 to 4 scale with “bones” instead of “stars” and a noticeable “Woof!” for movies that got a 0. Being weird, I had looked up all the movies that started with the word “Blood,” and this woof of a review stood out. After reading the summary, I made it my goal in life to see this awful film.…
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Frankenstein vs. the Mummy (2015)
Mummy Mondays are on pause for at least a week due to coronavirus quarantine (we are in the darkest timeline), but to keep the mood alive I’m going to be watching The Mummy adjacent movies! This week it’s Frankenstein vs. the Mummy, a film that was way too long for what it was.
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The Heretics (2017)
Is it really so hard to do the barest minimum of research, filmmakers? I get that a good number of you are godless heathens (no judgment from me), but if you’re going to reference The Bible, is it so hard to open the book to the table of contents and see that it’s ACTUALLY The Book of Revelation, NOT Revelations? Singular, not plural? I know it’s a real petty point, especially one to start on, but whenever I see a demon hunter or a cult leader make such an easy mistake, it sort of takes me out of the moment.
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ZsaZsa Zaturnnah Ze Moveeh (2006)
The first time I saw a trailer for this movie, I knew I had to own it. This movie was made for me, and it was my destiny to find it. Sure, it’s not in English (well, mostly not in English), but that’s never stopped me before. Bring on subtitles! I don’t fear them!
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YellowBrickRoad (2010)
This is–apparently–a very divisive movie. Looking up online ratings and reviews, it sure seems like most of the people who watched YellowBrickRoad hated it. But I don’t get that at all; I adore this movie, warts and all.
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Blubberella (2011)
So first there was Bloodrayne, one of the several video game movie made by talentless hack Uwe Boll. Next there was Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance, where Rayne fights cowboys. The trilogy ended with Bloodrayne: The Third Reich, the one where she FINALLY fights Nazis. But wait, we’re not quite done! Then came Blubberella, a scene-for-scene parody of The Third Reich where Rayne has been replaced by the titular Blubberella (played by Ms. Lindsay Hollister), an overweight dhampir. And it’s bad. Like, amazingly bad.
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The Mummy (1959)
The Universal Classic Monsters chapter of Mummy Mondays is over… Now it is time for Hammer Horror! This is the first The Mummy movie in color, and is the second of four movies titled The Mummy that I’ll be talking about (that’s actually why I included the year of release in the titles which I started this blog).
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The Invisible Man (2020)
Blumhouse Productions is kind of all over the place in terms of movie quality. On one hand they produced Fantasy Island and Glass, but on the other we get actual good films like Get Out and the latest adaptation of The Invisible Man.
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Color Out of Space (2019)
Finally! I missed my chance to see this in theaters, but I now own it and got to watch it with friends. I don’t feel a need to own EVERY H.P. Lovecraft-inspired movie (especially since that’s a rather broad category), but I had a fever, and the only cure was Mr. Nicolas Cage doing his thing with some eldritch abominations.
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Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon (2016)
I don’t think it’s a controversial opinion to say that this movie is not as good as Scooby-Doo! Wrestlemania Mystery, the previous Scooby-Doo/WWE crossover. That movie stars more noteworthy wrestlers and features actual wrestling! But John Cena is a major character in Wrestlemania Mystery and I hate him so very much, so I own Curse of the Speed Demon instead. All because John Cena sucks.
Chwineka Watches 