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Alligator Alley (2013)
We’ve reached the end of Shark Week (or at least the version I planned back before they changed the date to July). But wait, you might say, I saw the title of today’s movie, and that doesn’t appear to involve sharks. And you’re right! Alligator Alley–sometimes known as the infinitely better name Ragin’ Cajun Redneck Gators–has absolutely no sharks in it. However, in the “Shark Bait: 6 Killer Shark Films” DVD collection, this is covered under “Plus a BONUS 7th BITE to sink your teeth into.” Yup, this DVD 6 pack actually had 7 movies. What a twist!
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Shark Island (2015)
My very own Shark Week continues! Sure, it’s a month after the actual Shark Week, but the best laid plans of sharks and men, or something like that. I’m burning through the “Shark Bait: 6 Killer Shark Films” DVD collection and we’re at the sixth film: Zombie Shark. Sorry, I mean Shark Island, even though everything on the DVD says that this movie should be called Zombie Shark. I guess they decided to go with the less provocative title since there’s actually more than one undead shark in this film, but whatever.
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Swamp Shark (2011)
My celebration of Shark Week continues, now officially one month late as of today! I’m continuing on partly because this was all planned ahead of time and partially out of spite. Going by the listing on the back of the “Shark Bait: 6 Killer shark Films” DVD case I’ve been pulling movies from, today would be Santa Jaws, but I’m saving that one for Christmas. The gay kid from Joe Bell manifesting a Santa hat wearing nightmare shark? Sounds hilarious! But that means today I’m stuck watching Swamp Shark. It’s not the worst shark movie I’ve seen, but it’s far…
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Ozark Sharks (2016)
So I obviously missed Shark Week this year. It was supposed to happen in August during this week, but sometime around the end of June or beginning of July, it got rescheduled to July 11th. The problem was that well before that time I had already planned on what to review this week, so why would I think to double check when Shark Week was happening? So here were are, a month after the actual event, watching some absolutely awful SyFy Channel original shark movies. Well, at least Ozark Sharks wasn’t as bad as Mississippi River Sharks.
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Ewoks: The Battle for Endor (1985)
Previously, I watched Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure, a made-for-TV Star Wars spin off for kids that was… fine. It was fine. I’ve definitely seen worse kids movies and worse Star Wars films. But then there’s its sequel, Ewoks: The Battle for Endor. While the first film is a story of togetherness–children teaming up with teddy bears to save their parents–the second film is darker, but also no longer fine. Kinda bad, in fact.
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The Green Knight (2021)
There’s a list of movies that I was excited to see before COVID hit and everything fell to shit, and The Green Knight was one such film. I can’t say that I’m a huge Arthurian legend nerd–I know the stuff covered on the animated Gargoyles series and that Sir Lancelot, the best knight ever who also fucks the king’s wife, was created by the French–but it’s been a passing interest. But add in a spooky atmosphere and I got hooked just by the trailer. And after what feels like years of waiting, it’s finally here, ready for me to watch…
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Zygote (2017)
Some days the best laid plans fall through, and for that I’m glad we have short films. I’m not saying that every time I review a film under an hour long it’s because I’m scrambling at the last minute to find something to post the next day… but I’m also not not saying that will be the case. Anyway, I at least took the time to look up some horror short films, and Zygote came highly recommended. Was it worth 22 minutes of my time? Absolutely!
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Revolutionary Girl Utena – Season 1, Episodes 4-7
We’re back at it again with more episodes of Shōjo Kakumei Utena, AKA Revolutionary Girl Utena! Last time we met several of our main characters, primarily Utena Tenjou and Anthy Himemiya. We saw Utena duel for possession of Anthy, something Utena finds very problematic, but the Student Council doesn’t really agree as they want the revolutionary power that comes from being Anthy’s fiancé. It’s a weird show, but that’s the 90’s for you. So let’s dive right in and meet the rest of the Student Council!
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Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure (1984)
It wasn’t my intention to avoid the main Star Wars movies; it’s just that covering all nine is an event all to itself. And then the question becomes in what order do I watch them? Chronologically (1-9)? By release (4-6, 1-3, 7-9)? Flashback mode (4&5, 1-3, 6-9)? And what about Rogue One and Solo? But that’s a problem for future Chwineka, and fuck that guy. Today we’re talking about Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure, a made-for-TV kids film featuring everyone’s favorite Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi characters, the ewoks. What, you didn’t love the ewoks? Well too…
Chwineka Watches
The dead speak!
Chwineka Watches 