Welcome back to the Hellbound Halloween! Today's entry is the fourth film in the Hellraiser franchise, Hellraiser: Bloodline. Man, we're making good time with all this--four down and only six more to go. At this rate I'll be done well before October is over! Hm, if only I had planned for that eventuality and had some tricks up my sleeve... Anyway, let's talk about a film directed by Alan Smithee. Oh, that's never a good sign.
There's a list of movies that I was excited to see before COVID hit and everything fell to shit, and The Green Knight was one such film. I can't say that I'm a huge Arthurian legend nerd--I know the stuff covered on the animated Gargoyles series and that Sir Lancelot, the best knight ever who also fucks the king's wife, was created by the French--but it's been a passing interest. But add in a spooky atmosphere and I got hooked just by the trailer. And after what feels like years of waiting, it's finally here, ready for me to watch on a Tuesday afternoon in a nearly empty theater. Progress towards life getting back on track!
I did it! I actually took the time to reread The Fear Street Saga books! And it's a good thing I did, because the parallels between that trilogy of books and this trilogy of movies are... uh... Okay, so there's next to no connection and I can't get too excited about reading a novella written for teenagers, but still. Back to the topic on hand, Fear Street: 1666 ties all the threads from Fear Street: 1994 and Fear Street: 1978 together, revealing the truth behind all the bad things that happen in Shadyside. And I'm going to talk around that as this is a mostly spoiler free review. Yup, being super inconsistent about that with this trilogy.
I really need to stop slacking off. My list of films that I've referenced on this blog but haven't gotten around to currently has 330 movies, and that's not even including any movies I've mentioned in the last week or so. So let's bite the bullet and roll the digital equivalent of a 330-sided die! And we get... #138. That is... Henry V by Mr. Kenneth Branagh. I mentioned this in my Thor review, didn't I? Good to know I'm predictable, at least. Anyway, let's get Shakespearean up in here!
As soon as I heard about Wolfwalkers I got excited. Irish animation studio Cartoon Saloon had previously made The Secret of Kells and Song of the Sea, parts 1 and 2 in an "Irish Folklore Trilogy" with Wolfwalkers being the final part. The previous two movies absolutely knocked it out of the park with their engaging story and unique animation style, both earning Academy Award nominations (The Secret of Kells lost to Up and Song of the Sea lost to Big Hero 6). The only problem? It's an Apple TV exclusive and I need another streaming subscription as much as I need to be shot in the face. But there was a special event or something the other day, so I finally got to see it! For free! Huzzah!
When I talked about The Scorpion King 4: Quest for Power, I had a number of people very surprised that they made 4 of these movies. Well hold on to your butts, but there's actually 5 (so far). We've gone many different directions in this franchise, from the first feeling similar in tone to The Mummy Returns, the second being the Young Adventures of Mathayus, the third and fourth feeling like unconnected SyFy original movies, and then this one taking itself very seriously. And that could have been interesting, if I weren't exhausted all the way down to my soul by this franchise.
We've reached the point of Mummy Mondays where we're talking about a sequel AND a prequel to a spin-off to what is effectively a reboot. Cue the Inception noise. This movie is... certainly something I spent almost 2 hours watching.
The Brendan Fraser Mummy franchise is dead, but it's legacy lives on in the spinoff, The Scorpion King, and it's 4 direct-to-DVD sequels. Seriously, the fifth one came out two years ago. Having a spinoff of The Mummy Returns does make some sense as Mr. The Rock was only in that movie for about 4 minutes, and then sort of again at the end when his poorly rendered face is on the big scorpion monster. I mean, you got a popular wrestler before he became a big time movie star, and you barely feature him? No no no, he's got to have a film all his own!
Okay, so why I picked this particular movie might need a bit of explaining… First off, as I mentioned in Dead & Breakfast review, I love Mr. Jeremy Sisto. A while ago I was browsing through his IMDB page and saw that he played Jesus–as in the son of God–in a TV miniseries. I had to see it! That was a few years ago, and I finally managed to stumble upon it recently. And I knew I’d have to review it.
Have you ever talked about a thing with someone, and while you’re describing it they go, “Oh yeah! That’s THIS THING!” And you’re like, “I’ll have to take your word for it, but sure”? It happened to me once when I was describing a mobile game and was told, “That’s just Candy Crush but with a Sailor Moon theme,” and it was the same with Cyrano de Bergerac. Yes, this is a super vague hint of what’s coming Wednesday, but first…