My very own Shark Week continues! Sure, it’s a month after the actual Shark Week, but the best laid plans of sharks and men, or something like that. I’m burning through the “Shark Bait: 6 Killer Shark Films” DVD collection and we’re at the sixth film: Zombie Shark. Sorry, I mean Shark Island, even though everything on the DVD says that this movie should be called Zombie Shark. I guess they decided to go with the less provocative title since there’s actually more than one undead shark in this film, but whatever.

Four people go to–wait a fucking second! That’s Mr. Ross Britz from Ozark Sharks and Ms. Cassie Steele from Mississippi River Sharks! Seriously, how many people are going to be reused for these films?! At least two more, but I’ll get to that in a moment. Anyway, four people go to a remote island for a getaway, which happens to coincide with a zombie shark escaping a secret facility and chowing down on the locals. The secret project is run by the mom from Ozark Sharks, and her personal bodyguard is Jeremy London from Mississippi River Sharks. Things go from bad to worse when it’s revealed that the zombie shark’s bite spreads the infection, so the people it maims become zombies and the people it eats get eaten by other sharks, who then become zombies as well. Britz’s character dies, one of the girls dies, the doctor dies, but the sharks are cornered and exploded. Well, except one, who eats Steele’s character’s sister. She kind of survives in that she gets swallowed whole and gets cut out of the shark’s belly, but becomes a zombie. Her sister stabs her in the head, which is unfortunate since the zombie was clutching the antidote. Oops! I’d care more if she weren’t the worst actor in the film by a mile, but oh well. The end.

A lot of strange decisions went into this film, and the end result was… not good. Steele plays the main character, who is protective over her little sister (up to the point where she stabs her in the brain). That should be enough, but no, about halfway through the movie she has a conversation where she reveals that she had a baby at the age of 15 and gave her up for adoption. None of this ever comes into play ever again, making it a truly bizarre sequence. Another questionable choice is having a group of people armed with makeshift weapons wading out into the water to attack the zombie sharks. Surprise surprise, it’s a massacre with most of the people either being torn apart or turned into zombies. Then there’s the whole antidote thing, which… what was the point of that? It doesn’t work on the already dead, but it can cure the recently infected. Sure, okay. But you killed all the zombie sharks and the movie gives no indication that there are any more zombies out there, whether human or sea life. It couldn’t even be used to save the recently turned, so why was it so important to endanger several lives by going back for it?

I’ve been talking about how these made-for-TV shark movies seem to be repeating the same cast and crew, and there’s some merit to that. Shark Island was directed by Misty Talley, who also directed Ozark Sharks, Mississippi River Sharks, and Santa Jaws, but also was an editor on Ghost Shark and Jeepers Creepers III. That last one isn’t a shark movie, but it shows a lack of character if she’s willing to work with convicted pedophile Victor Salva. Anyway, I realized that with Talley, I can do a “Kevin Bacon” style connection to someone I’ve been meaning to make the subject of a cinematic conspiracy/connection board for ages! Here we go!

• Shark Island was directed by Misty Talley, who also directed Santa Jaws
• Santa Jaws stars Reid Miller, who also starred in Joe Bell
• Joe Bell features Connie Britton, who was also in The Last Winter
• The Last Winter was directed by human forehead Larry Fessenden

Boom! I’ve connected these shark movies in under six steps to the guy who’s responsible for the modern day look of the mythical monster, the wendigo! But that’s a post for another day. All this was just a fun little exercise that I found more engaging than anything Shark Island had to offer.

And we’re done, right? 6 shark movies on this DVD: 1 already covered, 4 this week, and the last saved for December. Well… my Shark Week isn’t over yet. Oh no, this DVD came with a 7th movie, and you’ll find out what that is tomorrow.

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