Mega Shark vs Kolossus (2015)

Shark Week is wrapping up, and so are the Mega Shark movies. Well, until Mega Shark vs Moby Dick, which is supposed to come out in 2021 but that's Future Chwineka's problem. Until then we've reached the end of this franchise, and this last entry... didn't suck? It was bad, don't get me wrong, but bad in a lot of the the right ways.

Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark (2014)

I really have to stop thinking, "This is the worst Mega Shark movie yet," when there are still more to go. This has been a rough Shark Week, but it's all self-inflicted so... sucks to be me! Anyway, I will start this by saying that in the years since Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, the special effects have improved! The mega shark actually sometimes looks good! But there's always a cost, and this time the cost is that everything else is very bad.

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus (2009)

Ha ha HA!! You thought I’d be reviewing the X-Men First Class quadrilogy, didn’t you? First of all, I’m gonna review the Wolverine movies first, but more importantly it’s Shark Week! And while reviewing the Jaws quadrilogy was an option, Tubi had all 4 Mega Shark movies for free. So here we are, watching yet another bad Asylum film. Quite possibly more in my wheelhouse than watching comic book movies.

Plankton (1994)

So there’s a sub-genre of movies–mostly horror–that are fascinating to me in how niche they are: they have an Italian director, usually with American/English actors, and all the filmed audio is thrown out the window in favor of re-recording it in the studio later. Why do this? Some say that because the film will have to be re-dubed into foreign languages anyway, why not, but it’s still… jarring. This movie is jarring and weird.

Underwater (2020)

My first review of a movie that released in 2020! Expect more as time goes on! Anyway, I’m not a fan of the Twilight series (the ending of Breaking Dawn Part 2 still makes me mad). I didn’t think Snow White and the Huntsman or Panic Room were very good. But I love Ms. Kristen Stewart as a person, so I was hoping this was a movie I’d enjoy. Turns out, it was! It’s no highbrow, Criterion quality film (I’ll get to you one day, Personal Shopper), but sometimes you just want to watch a fun and tense movie.