Category: 1.0 stars
Really bad.
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Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)
It’s time to rip the bandage off–Exorcist II: The Heretic is probably the worst movie I’m going to watch as part of Paranormal Octoberty. I mean, Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin sure could surprise me, but this is an infamously bad sequel. And it features Mr. James Earl Jones, who sadly died recently. This flick is the first thing I’ve seen him in since his passing, so this is apparently how I’m honoring his life! What a fucking waste.
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Saw 3D (2010)
I know I’m getting more and more exasperated with these Saw movies during Saw-mhain, but you guys, they’re getting so bad. Saw 3D was the worst one I’ve seen up to this point in the franchise, and that’s really saying something! This was supposed to be the end of an era, answering all the lingering questions viewers have had since the first Saw. But really all I’m left with is questions. Or, really, just one: why bother?
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Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005)
And so with what is effectively Return of the Living Dead V, this stupid franchise is over. Return of the Living Dead started off as a horror comedy that veered more towards teen horror in the later sequels. But what if we could have both? What if they made a zombie horror movie that’s also a teen comedy? Too bad “teen comedy” in the mid 2000’s meant lots of boobs and pot. What else was I expecting for October of the Living Dead…?
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Survival of the Dead (2009)
Survival of the Dead was Mr. George A Romero’s last film he directed before passing in 2017. The man is an absolute legend in the horror genre, effectively creating the zombie subgenre as we know it today. Night of the Living Dead will most likely forever be looked at as a classic. As for all his other movies? Wildly varying quality with Survival being one of his worst. Whoops.
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The Munsters (2022)
I can’t promise that there will always be extra posts on Saturdays this month, but holy shit did I need to rant about how bad The Munsters movie was. God awful trash.
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Purple Hearts (2022)
Updates are gonna be spotty for a while. Such is life. But Purple Hearts pissed me off enough that I had to take time out of my actually busy schedule to rant about it.
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A Karate Christmas Miracle (2019)
Man, I have been watching some absolute garbage movies lately. Under ConTroll tried way too hard for such a lackluster “sequel,” the Blood Freak remake was cheap on every level, and Joker’s Poltergeist took the real life tragedy of the Aurora theater shooting and turned it into a lame horror movie. In fact, A Karate Christmas Miracle is from the same wrier as Joker’s Poltergeist and reused footage from that horror flick. While I knew this would be yet another bad film, I at least assumed it’d be more coherent than Poltergeist. Oh, how wrong I was.
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Joker’s Poltergeist (2016)
I just don’t understand Joker’s Poltergeist, AKA Joker’s Wild. Arguments could be made for it being pro-gun, anti-gun, and also some weak ass middle ground just “trying to start a discussion.” I’m afraid the answer may be the third option, which makes the movie being obviously inspired by the 2012 Aurora, Colorado theater shooting incredibly distasteful. Like, the main character’s name is Aurora and she survives a shooting in a theater done by people in clown masks. Fuckin’ yikes.
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Troll 2 (1990)
Can you believe I’d never seen Troll 2 before? I know, it’s kind of shocking. I’m a connoisseur of crappy movies, so somehow avoiding one of the most infamous ones is a little impressive. But Tubi is there for me with just the best selection of awful movies, so I felt it was finally time to fix this cosmic mistake. And everyone was right! This is a really bad movie!
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Bahum Bug (2019)
I had a plan for January 2022. It wasn’t good, but there was one. The idea was to watch as many movies by Mr. Ulli Lommel–a man I regard as the worst filmmaker I’ve ever seen, as I touched upon in Diary of a Cannibal–until my soul couldn’t take any more or the month ended, whichever happened first. But that’s being postponed for something else. Why bring this up? I was going to end December on some absolute garbage movies to get myself in the right headspace for the following month. For better or worse, that’s the part of the…
Chwineka Watches 