Category: Reviews
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What Keeps You Alive (2018)
Happy Pride Month, everybody! June will be dedicated to movies with overly queer content or were made by queer creators (a distinction that will come up later). I’m going to start this all off by doing something different: I enjoyed What Keeps You Alive. It has moments where the story has problems if you think about the implications too hard, but it’s a tense thriller that had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. That being said, the trailer revealed way too much–they always do–and while not spoiling everything, I’m going to talk a lot about the…
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The Tooth Fairy (2006)
As I threatened on Friday while talking about Darkness Falls, there is more than one horror movie where the villain is a witch called the Tooth Fairy. But where Darkness Falls had some effort put into it, 2006’s The Tooth Fairy is bad on just about every level. The monster is disappointing, the characters are bland, and the whole thing is a waste of time.
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Arrow – Season 1, Episodes 7-9
Welcome back to me talking about Arrow, a thing I still haven’t come up with a cute name for yet. This batch of episodes wraps up with episode 9, the midseason break. Is that something I have to explain? Just in case, way back in the Before Times, weekly TV shows often took a break for a month or so around the middle of a season to give the actors and creators a little break. Usually it’d end on a cliffhanger, and this sort of has one!
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Darkness Falls (2003)
Given enough time, horror movies will try to make everything creepy. I’ve seen a horror trailer where the “Happy Birthday” song is sung menacingly, and I gotta say, I was not impressed. But more relevant to today’s post, Darkness Falls is about the Tooth Fairy killing people. I just… really? You thought people would be afraid of the Tooth Fairy? At least they had the good decency to come up with a somewhat creepy title, instead of being lazy and just calling this film The Tooth Fairy.
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The Mummy’s Kiss: 2nd Dynasty (2006)
If I say that this was a highly requested movie, would you believe me? It’s an obvious lie, of course, but it sounds better than admitting I wanted to watch this. Long story short, back in April of 2020 when we didn’t realize how long the quarantine was going to be, Mummy Mondays was put on indefinite hold along with my friends’ Movie Night. I watched several movies with mummies in the Mondays that followed, and one of them was The Mummy’s Kiss, a lesbian porn with mummies and a flimsy plot. Well, there was a sequel made, so that’s…
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Army of the Dead (2021)
I want to open this post by saying that this is probably my favorite Zack Snyder movie. I know I said that about Sucker Punch, and I still need to revisit 300 and Watchmen to see how I feel about them, but yeah, this is my new favorite of his. Army of the Dead is a zombie film apparently unrelated to Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead remake, but it’s a fun zombie heist flick to turn your brain off while watching. Unfortunately, my brain is stuck in the “on” position, so there are some things I want to talk about.
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Arrow – Season 1, Episodes 5-6
What’s this? More Arrow episodes? I was ahead with stuff for once, so I figured I’d continue watching episodes so that it doesn’t take me fifty years to reach the seasons currently airing. Don’t expect this to be a regular thing–especially with Loki’s premiere right around the corner.
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Arrow – Season 1, Episodes 2-4
Welcome back to me talking about Arrow season 1! Last time we talked about the pilot episode where we learned that Oliver Queen was shipwrecked on an island for five years, has recently come back home, and is a superhero vigilante on the downlow. With the pilot out of the way and a couple plot threads for the season already showing, the next couple episodes build up the main characters. But this is a show for the CW network, so there will be action sequences to go with over the top drama. So, pretty much like a comic book.
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The Field Guide to Evil (2018)
I think this is the first anthology I’ve reviewed on the blog? The only other time I’ve used that tag was with The Star Wars Holiday Special, and that was mostly a “for lack of a better word” situation. The Field Guide to Evil is a horror anthology that focuses on multicultural folklore, broadening our horizons by showcasing creatures and demons from around the world. But unfortunately for this film, not every story is told as well as the others. There were some shorts I loved, and others that just left me feeling meh.
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Wildling (2018)
Sometimes you watch a movie because an actor you like is in it. I don’t remember Hellraiser: Hellworld for it’s groundbreaking script, but because the prolific Mr. Lance Henriksen was in the Hellraiser sequel that took place in an video game. And… Henry Cavill was in it? I’ll file that away for later, but the point still stands. So while looking for my next movie to review I saw the trailer for Wildling, recognized an actor in this, and instantly knew I had to watch it. And as a bonus, Brad Dourif–Wormtongue in The Lord of the Rings: The Two…
Chwineka Watches 