The Mummy’s Kiss: 2nd Dynasty (2006)

CONTENT WARNING: THE VILLAIN HAS A MUMMY ABDUCT WOMEN SO SHE CAN MIND CONTROL THEM INTO HAVING SEX WITH HER, SO THERE’S DUBIOUS CONSENT WITH A BATSHIT PREMISE

If I say that this was a highly requested movie, would you believe me? It’s an obvious lie, of course, but it sounds better than admitting I wanted to watch this. Long story short, back in April of 2020 when we didn’t realize how long the quarantine was going to be, Mummy Mondays was put on indefinite hold along with my friends’ Movie Night. I watched several movies with mummies in the Mondays that followed, and one of them was The Mummy’s Kiss, a lesbian porn with mummies and a flimsy plot. Well, there was a sequel made, so that’s where we are now. Yup, this is definitely something people wanted to see and not my grim curiosity in action!

After the intro credits featuring some of the most obviously enhanced breasts I’ve ever seen, The Mummy’s Kiss: 2nd Dynasty gives us a brief recap on the first movie. Where that film dealt with a mummy coming to life after its golden mask was removed, this time the mask holds no special meaning. Instead, the villain is Dr. Zita Furneaux, a bitter and older lesbian working at the museum wants her youth back. She gains power through petitioning Nephthys–who, like Isis in the previous movie, is a topless white lady. Furneaux can now command the mummy to abduct younger woman, who Furneaux will mind control with her magic amulet, have sex with, and steal their ka (life force). Our protagonist is Marie, a tabloid reporter who is investigating the story of the mummy’s shenanigans from the previous movie. Marie doesn’t accomplish much, and Furneaux is defeated when Nephthys gets annoyed with her and takes control of the mummy. Marie hooks up with her boss, who was absolutely useless, and the film ends on more breasts and “The Mummy Wrap,” a sin against all music.

I feel a little silly putting a content warning on this porn with the barest of plots, but the villain is technically forcing women to have sex with her against their will, and in a more serious film that could absolutely be triggering. This made me question how I would tag other porn, if I were to watch another for the blog.Things are rough and/or consent isn’t freely given? Sounds like sexual assault. Oh no, step-brother, I’m stuck? Sort of incest. Granted, the nature of it being porn lessens the emotional impacts and it’s often tongue-in-cheek, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. Which I guess means I shouldn’t review more porn! That is, unless I were to find out that writer/director Donald F Glut made more horror-themed skin flicks, but what are the odds of that…?

I know I talked about this in the first movie, but I have absolutely no idea who the target audience for this is. If you want the flimsy story, stopping the plot to watch two naked ladies rub against each other could be annoying. Hell, one of the early groping scenes–there’s no penetration of any kind in this–is preceded with the actual line, “Why don’t we put that mummy business on hold?” A little on the nose! And if you’re into watching women sensually lick each other, you’re probably going to fast forward through the story. On top of all this, one of Marie’s first lines references tana leaves. Um, was that a reference to The Mummy’s Hand, a film from 1940? Zita Furneaux is most likely named after Mrs. Yvonne Furneaux, who was Isobel Banning in 1959’s The Mummy. There’s a minor character named Professor Petra Cushing, so that’s a Peter Cushing reference, who was in the same film. And the “special thanks” in the credits are full of references to the various Universal and Hammer Mummy movies, as well as the 1970’s comic The Occult Files of Dr. Spektor, which was co-created by Glut, who also… wrote the novelization for Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back? Anyway, who but a nerd like me would get all those references? So there we go. The target audience for The Mummy’s Kiss: 2nd Dynasty is me, but a heterosexual version from a parallel world. Glad we figured that out!

Also, there’s not really a good place to put this, but at one point in this, the music from the beginning of Birdemic: Shock and Terror plays as a woman swims naked in her backyard pool. Most of the music in this sounds like it’s publicly available, but I didn’t actually anticipate recognizing one of the pieces! Let alone 4 years before the more widely known film!

Previous: The Mummy’s Kiss


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One thought on “The Mummy’s Kiss: 2nd Dynasty (2006)

  1. Pingback: The Mummy’s Kiss (2003) | Chwineka Watches

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