Category: Reviews
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The Lodge (2019)
The Lodge was one of the movies that I was super excited to watch and it just… somehow passed me by. No local theaters were showing it back in early 2019 and by the time I got the motivation to travel to see it, it had disappeared from all theaters. So this one has been on my to-watch list for a while, and I figured a month dedicated to horror movies would be the perfect time! Which makes it such a shame that I really didn’t like it.
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Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)
The Hellbound Halloween continues! It’s a reference to The Hellbound Heart, the story by Mr. Clive Barker that Hellraiser is based on, by the way. This is the last film in the franchise that Barker had a direct hand in, which is a little concerning since it’s only the second film. Yup, from here on out the quality steadily decreases–although I remember Hellraiser: Inferno being decent–until we hit the bottom of the barrel with the last two. But that’s something we’ll touch on later in the month; right now let’s end Julia’s reign of evil!
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What If…? – Season 1, Episode 8
I fuckin’ called it! Hell yeah! Sure, we all pretty much knew what this episode would be about, but I got the title exactly right! Granted, the number of titles it could’ve had was limited. But still! “What If Ultron Won?” is the name of this episode, and I got it exactly right last time. Now, if next week’s finale is titled “What If It Took a Multiverse to Save the Multiverse?” then I shall transcend the mortal plane and become a god.
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Hellraiser (1987)
Happy Halloween… month! It’s October, which basically means it’s already Halloween. It also means it’s time to whip out my annual “review a horror movie each weekday while also covering a big horror franchise” event! This is a spiritual successor to “Chwineka Watches 31 Netflix Horror Movies for October” (or CW31NHMO for short), so don’t expect a concise name for the idea as a whole from me. Anywho, the second annual event is The Hellbound Halloween, where I cover all 10 currently released Hellraiser movies and a few more morsels from Mr. Clive Barker. So let’s dive into what’s probably…
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Willy’s Wonderland (2021)
I want you all to know that I tried. Around the middle of September (after watching Malignant) I took a break from horror movies. The plan was to go without until October, when I’m going to start the same thing I did last year where it’s nothing but horror movies every weekday, with a franchise running throughout the month (last year was October of the Corn). But I’m a horror junkie, man! It’s my favorite genre! So I’m starting the spooky spirit early with Willy’s Wonderland, a horror comedy starring Mr. Nic Cage. It’s dumb!
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Tag (2015)
Tag caught my attention the first time I read a summary of it and thought, “Holy shit, are they fucking serious?” Before I get to what made my jaw drop, I want to specify which Tag this actually is. It’s not 2018’s Tag about grown men playing a game of tag. It’s not 1982’s Tag: The Assassination Game with Linda Hamilton. It’s not even 2015’s Japanese Tag where heads explode. No, this is 2015’s American Tag–or 2012, or 2014, or 2016 depending on which site you check–where McLovin gets sucked into one man’s plan to spread HIV to as many…
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When They Cry Special – Cat Killing Chapter
That’s right, folks! Higurashi no Naku Koro ni, AKA When They Cry is back! Going by likes that have trickled in over the months since I wrapped up the first season, it looks like this was one of the more popular TV show I’ve covered so it makes sense to circle back to it with October right around the corner. But instead of diving straight into season 2–When They Cry: Kai–Wikipedia convinced me I should watch Higurashi no Naku Koro ni: Nekogoroshi-hen, a special that takes place between seasons 1 and 2, also known as Cat Killing Chapter. But don’t…
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What If…? – Season 1, Episode 7
A lot of What If…? comic stories are total downers. A bunch of real bummer buzzkills, bro! But why can’t everything just be chill for once? Sometimes it’s just nice to have an alternate reality that doesn’t harsh my vibe. I’m running out of incredibly dated slang, but the gist is that “What If Thor Was an Only Child?” is essentially a frat bro comedy about Earth’s biggest party ever, and the party poopers who are ready to nuke the site from orbit.
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Sukiyaki Western Django (2007)
I honestly didn’t plan on this being a mini-event week. I started with 1966’s Django, then found out about 2017’s biography Django about musician Django Reinhardt, who the western gunslinger is named after. Then I went down a rabbit hole of all the unofficial sequels that had “Django” in the title and noticed Sukiyaki Western Django, an English language Japanese western by… Mr. Takashi Miike? The same Mr. Takashi Miike responsible for Ichi the Killer, Audition, Visitor Q, and The Happiness of the Katakuris? Well shit, I guess I have to watch it! And so here we are. No more…
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Django (2017)
Django is an unusual name, isn’t it? The only people I knew with that name were characters in westerns–white Django in 1966’s Django and black Django in Django Unchained–or the genetic base for Boba Fett. Yes, I know that one’s actually Jango, but still. Turns out it’s a Romani name, which makes using it for a western hero extra unusual. Why pick that name out of all the ones available? It’s almost like there was some famous person named Django that the filmmakers were referencing, but what are the odds of that?
Chwineka Watches 