Look, I don't want to pat myself on the back too much. This blog already is a bit of an ego trip, but I'm just a normal guy. I put my pants on one trite quote at a time. However, after hearing that the twist in Malignant was supposed to be completely surprising, I figured it out in something like 20 minutes. What, like it's hard?
4.0 stars
Pretty good.
The Green Knight (2021)
There's a list of movies that I was excited to see before COVID hit and everything fell to shit, and The Green Knight was one such film. I can't say that I'm a huge Arthurian legend nerd--I know the stuff covered on the animated Gargoyles series and that Sir Lancelot, the best knight ever who also fucks the king's wife, was created by the French--but it's been a passing interest. But add in a spooky atmosphere and I got hooked just by the trailer. And after what feels like years of waiting, it's finally here, ready for me to watch on a Tuesday afternoon in a nearly empty theater. Progress towards life getting back on track!
Fear Street: 1666 (2021)
I did it! I actually took the time to reread The Fear Street Saga books! And it's a good thing I did, because the parallels between that trilogy of books and this trilogy of movies are... uh... Okay, so there's next to no connection and I can't get too excited about reading a novella written for teenagers, but still. Back to the topic on hand, Fear Street: 1666 ties all the threads from Fear Street: 1994 and Fear Street: 1978 together, revealing the truth behind all the bad things that happen in Shadyside. And I'm going to talk around that as this is a mostly spoiler free review. Yup, being super inconsistent about that with this trilogy.
Fear Street: 1978 (2021)
Okay, so I didn't actually reread The Fear Street Saga as I suggested I might while talking about Fear Street: 1994, the first in this trilogy of horror. I'm going to try again this weekend, but I make no promises. It's not like it really matters anyway, since these films are more inspired by the Fear Street series, as evidenced by Sarah Fier being a central character in the films who isn't in the books. With that out of the way, I do have something positive to report: my expectations for Fear Street: 1978 were pretty low, and this movie sailed over them! It's not perfect, but it's better than most Friday the 13th films, so it gets thumbs up from me. Prepare for full spoilers this time, cause I want to talk about that ending twist.
Black Widow (2021)
I've been going back and forth on whether to just go full spoilers when talking about Black Widow, the first Marvel Cinematic Universe movie in two years. When I covered all the other movies earlier this year as part of MCU March, the assumption was that people had already seen those films so I gave a summary as a refresher then talked about all the plot points I wanted to talk about. But Black Widow comes out at a weird time, where on one hand people are cheering that COVID is finally over, while on the other the Delta variant is becoming more widespread. Not a lot of people are willing to spend two hours in an enclosed space with strangers and Disney+ is charging $30 to be able to watch the film in your house. In the end I went with very light spoilers because I'm betting a lot of people are waiting to see this, which is a shame since it was good.
The Empty Man (2020)
You know what I did recently? I had a friend over to my place... and neither of us wore our masks! Scandalous, I know. He was one of the Movie Night guys, and the fact that we haven't had one of those in over a year is really getting to us. It was a thing we did every week for over a decade! But it was nice to have someone over watching a horror movie with me, even if we were as far apart as possible while not sitting on the floor. Anyway, we watched The Empty Man on his recommendation, and it was a fun experience all around.
Kong: Skull Island (2017)
Is anybody actually a fan of King Kong? They have to exist, otherwise why would there be... is that right? 10 King Kong movies before this one? I'll file that fact away for later. Anyway, when I first heard about this movie, I resigned myself to watching it, knowing it would have connections to future Godzilla movies and I'm a sucker for watching every movie in a franchise. So imagine my surprise when I actually enjoyed this!
Beginners (2010)
It's that time again! The list of movies I've mentioned--but haven't reviewed on the blog--is getting larger and larger, and I feel this equally large sense of shame at not chipping away at it. So let's roll the digital equivalent of a 312-sided die and see what we get! And today's movie is... nope, I said no more superhero movies this month, so let's reroll. Trying again... we get Beginners? A vaguely queer, indie romantic "comedy" starring Mr. Christopher Plummer and Ewan McGregor? How the fuck did that get on the list again? Ah, right, I watched The Conspiracy of Fear in honor of Mr. Plummer's death and mentioned that this was one of his more recognizable films. Okay, sure, I guess we're doing this!
Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)
Ant-Man was the epilogue to Marvel Cinematic Universe's Phase Two, and Spider-Man: Far From Home is the epilogue to its Phase Three. But while Ant-Man didn't really have much to do with the previous film, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Far From Home is a direct continuation of Avengers: Endgame. Tony Stark is dead. Long live the... new Tony Stark? Heavy is the head that wears the crown, and it's got to be especially heavy for a 16-year-old kid from Queens. Enough purple prose, let's wrap up MCU March!
Avengers: Infinity War (2018)
I think I can safely say that this is the biggest cinematic crossover ever. What even comes close? The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen? The Monster Squad? Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Okay, that last one is a strong contender, but I digress. After 10 years of setting up characters and stories in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it all comes together with Avengers: Infinity War. We're in the endgame of MCU March, so heads up: a LOT happens so the review section is going to be a bit long.
Chwineka Watches 