Category: 3.0 stars
It was fine.
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The Mummy Returns (2001)
I recently talked about the supposed trilogy pattern of “first is fine, second is superb, third is terrible,” so it’s interesting to watch a trilogy that breaks that pattern. 1999’s The Mummy is a great movie that people love, while The Mummy Returns… exists.
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Blood From the Mummy’s Tomb (1972)
And we’ve come to the end of an era: the last Mummy film from Hammer Horror. On one hand it’s been nice to watch these older films and see filmmaking techniques and decisions from years ago, but on the other hand Mummy Mondays are posts with the least amount of clicks. Like, out of EVERYTHING else. No judgment being passed, I can absolutely see why! But it will be nice next week when I start reviewing Mummy movies people have actually heard of.
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The Mummy’s Shroud (1967)
Mummy Mondays is continuing to shamble along, this week with the penultimate Mummy film from Hammer Horror: The Mummy’s Shroud! And like last week we’re changing up the formula a bit! Sure, the villain is still an incredibly slow, shambling corpse, but, like, this time he didn’t have an undead boner for a lady.
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Jesus (1999)
Okay, so why I picked this particular movie might need a bit of explaining… First off, as I mentioned in the Dead & Breakfast review, I love Mr. Jeremy Sisto. A while ago I was browsing through his IMDB page and saw that he played Jesus–as in the son of God–in a TV miniseries. I had to see it! That was a few years ago, and I finally managed to stumble upon it recently. And I knew I’d have to review it.
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Sucker Punch (2011)
Mr. Zack Snyder is… interesting. The visionary behind the new DC Cinematic Universe (at least until the reboot it), he’s an incredibly polarizing figure. It also doesn’t help that I really don’t like Batman Vee Superman Colon Dawn of Justice, I thought Justice League was a mess, and I still don’t believe that the impending Snyder Cut of Justice League will be any kind of improvement. But I don’t want my opinions on the man tainting my thoughts on Sucker Punch! There are enough minor quibbles I have with the movie that do that already.
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The Wolves of Kromer (1998)
I honestly don’t remember how I first heard about this movie. It’s pretty low budget and stars no one you’ve heard of (one actress was “Historian’s Wife” in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and another was Jira from Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace who I had to look up because who the actual fuck is that). Well, Boy George is the occasional narrator, but they had him in the studio for, like, an hour. Anyway, it’s a weird little story about wolves. Or gay men. Or gay wolves.
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Batman Forever (1995)
So last review I complained about a rich capitalist ruining everything and being the true villain. I went hard on that because it’s absolutely true and I should say it, but also because I was preparing myself for this movie, one where the studio executives were annoyed that Batman Returns didn’t make as much money as they had hoped, and that merchandising was problematic with the Penguin being, you know, a mutant who drools black-green sludge. So here’s something completely different: Batman Forever.
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Bound (2015)
I have a general policy to never say that a movie featuring Daniel Baldwin is “good.” That also applies to Billy Baldwin, but that’s off topic. Anyway, The Asylum’s special brand of “mockbusters” are typically pretty bad and it’s generally safe to say that they all suck. But every once in a while… there’s one that sucks slightly less than the others.
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Girl on the Third Floor (2019)
I don’t actively seek out movies starring wrestlers, I swear. But who could say no to a horror movie starring Mr. CM Punk? Sure, he had left WWE by the time I started watching, but I’m always curious how wrestlers are outside of the ring, especially since they’re molded to be actors/performers.
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Deep Impact (1998)
I usually wait a day or so after watching a movie to write these posts, but I had some big issues with Deep Impact so I want to write them out while they’re still very fresh in my mind.
Chwineka Watches 